“Do not train a child to learn by force or harshness; but direct them to it by what amuses their minds, so that you may be better able to discover with accuracy the peculiar bent of the genius of each.” – Plato
When you were young, were you completely psyched about going to school every day? Were you chomping at the bit to learn more of what the schools were teaching you? Unless you went to a very different kind of school, your experience was probably a lot like mine.
I was bored. There were very few topics that I could get excited about. In high school, I remember drinking copious amounts of Coke and taking NoDoz (caffeine in a pill) to make it through the day.
The Easy Path
At some point, I learned that the easiest way to get through school successfully (I was an A student) wasn’t to read all the books and study hard. That was a complete waste of a lot of time.
I learned to read the teachers. What does that mean? I taught myself how to take notes in class (in almost perfect outline form) that boiled down what the teacher thought we should know. What a teacher writes on the board is only about a quarter of what they think is important. I could tell by the way they expressed themselves what they thought was important. What was in the books and our interpretations of that information were completely irrelevant. For tests, I would study my abbreviated notes and pass with flying colors.
At the same time, my younger brother struggled to do all of his assigned reading and other homework and got C’s. He didn’t pay attention in class very well.
I graduated high school near the top of my class and only remember reading one book (Catcher in the Rye). I didn’t like to read until I was well into my 30’s.
It wasn’t until college that I realized what I had been doing (learning teachers and not subjects). Realizing how crazy it was, I tested my theory in a couple classes. I read the books and took the tests based on my interpretations. I got a C- and a D. Fortunately one of the professors realized that this was an aberration and allowed me to take the test again. This time I answered the questions based on the notes I had taken in class. I got an A.
Because of these and a number of other similar experiences throughout my schooling adventures, I thought I would take a different route with my own children. I didn’t want to subject them to these kinds of experiences in their early, formative years.
Finding a Better Way
My husband and I spent tons of time discussing what we don’t like about the schooling system in America. We knew there had to be a better way so I started some extremely in-depth research into homeschooling. I read all I could (and continue to). I joined local homeschooling groups and talked with many of the parents and homeschooled children. I had found our better way.
One thing that jumped out at me during this research phase and later that was consistent with all the homeschooled children I spoke with or observed: They all had a way of speaking and expressing themselves that seemed unusual to me initially. They were excited. They were comfortable around adults and kids of all ages. They were supportive of others. They generally used vocabulary that seemed a bit ahead of what kids their age (whatever age they were) should use. There was just something about them that I couldn’t put my finger on that made them stand out.
Unlike traditional schooling, homeschooling offers unlimited variety in how to teach and learn. On one end of the spectrum are programs offered by schools (many public school systems offer them) which is basically “school at home.” The school provides a computer, internet connection, all the books, lessons and supplies and access to a teacher. Students are tested with written or oral tests on a regular basis and progress through the grades. These programs are great for parents who are new to homeschooling who don’t want to “mess things up” and need some guidance. They’re also great for kids who thrive on lots of structure.
A Different Approach
On the other end of the spectrum is unschooling. This is what we chose. Technically, unschooling is (according to Wikipedia):
A range of educational philosophies and practices centered on allowing children to learn through their natural life experiences, including play, game play, household responsibilities, work experience, and social interaction, rather than through a more traditional school curriculum. Unschooling encourages exploration of activities, often initiated by the children themselves, facilitated by the adults. The term “unschooling” was coined in the 1970’s and used by educator John Holt, widely regarded as the “father” of unschooling.
A simpler definition is child-directed education.
What??? Let kids direct their own education! Are you crazy!?!? They’ll sit around and play video games all day if you let them!
I beg to differ.
You’re Not Qualified to Teach
Many parents feel like they aren’t qualified to teach their own children. Only someone with a teaching degree (obtained from another school) could possibly know how to teach. That’s complete BS.
Before kids are put in a school, how do they learn? They spend years with their parents and caregivers who work with them as they happily learn how to crawl, walk, speak and, sometimes, read. They learn hand-eye coordination. They learn so much. And who taught them all of this? They didn’t sit at a desk to learn it. There wasn’t a licensed teacher present.
They played and experimented and tried new things. They fell down and got back up with a smile on their face after falling for the zillionth time. Their parents were there with them, helping them along the way. The kids try different ways until they find a way that works for them and the parents’ guide and support them. Unschooling.
As a side note, I find it quite interesting how many teachers homeschool their children.
What’s The Point of School Anyway?
OK, that’s great for babies and toddlers but what about older kids? They have to know certain things to get by in the world.
How much of what you learned in school do you actively use today? Probably very little yet you spent countless hours being taught mind-numbing amounts of facts, statistics and other information. And how much fun was that? Yes, there’s a correlation between what’s fun and what you retain.
Let’s step back for a minute and question what the point of going to school really is. Given how schools and the education process work, I think schools train little people how to be good little employees. There’s a great article at Deliberate Receiving that covers this which I highly recommend. And some teachers chimed in with comments there.
As soon as kids start kindergarten, they’re taught to sit down, shut up, speak when spoken to, give the right answers, don’t screw up, don’t take risks and generally do as they’re told. Tell me if I missed something but that sounds like my last 20+ years in corporate America.
The Dawn of a New Era
As an adult, I’m discovering that there are much better, happier, more free ways of living. I’m realizing that I need to empower my kids to live in this happier world and live on their own terms. I don’t want them to live their lives in accordance with anyone else’s expectations like I did. I want them to have fun trying and learning new things that they’re interested in. I want them to enjoy “failing” because it’s a critical part of the learning process.
There’s another great article at Zen Habits where Leo Babauta talks about why he’s unschooling his six children.
The world is changing too fast for schools to keep up. Colleges acknowledge that, when someone chooses a major their freshman year, most of what they learn over the ensuing four or five years is obsolete by the time they graduate.
Instead of learning about things, we and our children need to learn how to learn and how to solve problems. Because that’s what really happens in life. The most successful people are those who discover problems and then come up with creative ways to solve those problems.
Many adults feel like they’re stuck in a career track that they chose when they were twenty. Read this to see what I think of that idea. In case you’re wondering how you could completely change course in midlife, read this amazing article by Michael Ellsberg, author of The Education of Millionaires. I think this approach should replace college.
How To Unschool
Back to unschooling. You’re probably asking yourself: OK, this sounds like a great idea but how do you do it? Basically, you just do life. It’s that simple.
My Awesome Kids
Our kids are 2, 6 and 8 years old. They are each very different. They think differently, act differently, have different levels of energy and learn differently. As their parents, my husband and I are in the best position to know how to work with each of them in ways that will draw out their unique skills, passions and abilities.
We don’t use any set curriculum or guidance. We go with the flow and trust that we’re doing our best. We’re both very intelligent people who have accomplished much in our lives. Why wouldn’t we be their best teachers?
How do we gauge success? By the smiles and excitement from our kids. Seeing how happy they are to learn and solve problems every day.
Our 8 year old son LOVES dinosaurs. I lost count when he exceeded 100 life-like dinosaur figures. He has had this passion for years. He knows the proper name for all of his dinos. He made dino footprints in clay with about 15 of his figures and put the dried bits of clay in a bowl. The next day he pulled each of them out and correctly identified which footprint went with which dino and why. He scoffs at toy makers who put the wrong number of claws on their T Rex toys (there should only be two). He learns to read by sitting with us as we read his dino books to him. I certainly have to question the concept of using phonics to learn to read because he could read names like ‘brachiosaurus’ before he could read ‘dog.’
He’s learning to read a calendar and count by counting down to memorable days (Christmas, birthdays and ‘toy days’), something he’s always excited about.
Today he asked me why people don’t fall out of their seats on a roller coaster when it goes upside down. Instant physics class as I explain the concept of centrifugal force to him.
We don’t have cable or satellite hooked up to our TV. Instead, we have a laptop hooked up with Netflix. When the kids want to watch a certain movie, they have to spell and write it out in the search bar. When our 6 year old daughter wants to watch something but doesn’t know how to spell it, she’ll ask me for help. I turn to my 8 year old and ask him to help her. He loves helping and they’re learning together.
We watch lots of educational shows on Netflix and talk about them as we’re watching them.
All the kids love to help me with baking (breads, pancakes, muffins, etc.). They’re learning math, fractions and a little chemistry as we assemble the ingredients. And they’re learning how to cook and enjoy it.
We take them to the library and let them pick out books that interest them. Our 6 year old loves horses and big cats. She loves to draw and paint horses and is getting to be quite good.
Our kids are learning about nature and biology simply through their love of animals and a desire to know more. They ask endless questions when we take hikes through the woods around our house. These are our biology, geology and other science classes.
Remember earlier in this post where I said that I noticed something different about the speech and mannerisms of homeschooled kids? About a year ago I started to notice the exact same things in my son. He’s energetic, excited, articulate, interested. It’s a beautiful thing.
There are times when we’ve tried to sit our son down at a table with paper and pen and have him write or read in the ways most traditional schools do. With him, it doesn’t work. He has too much great energy to sit still like that and, as soon as he’s ‘contained’ this way, his brain tends to shut down. Instead, he learns while he’s moving and talking and excited. And it’s amazing how much he absorbs.
On the other hand, our 6 year old daughter loves to sit in front of a blank Word document on the computer. She usually starts spelling everyone’s names followed by words like horse, cougar and pony. When I asked her to teach me a few things, I was amazed at her powers of perception when she started showing me how letters and words looked and sounded alike or not alike and how they worked together in her mind. I was amazed.
And what about socialization? The kids are out and about almost every day. My husband usually brings the 6 and 8 year olds with him to work (he’s a therapeutic farrier – basically a vet for horse’s feet). They comfortably interact with kids and adults everywhere they go. There’s no peer pressure or bullying because they come from a place of love and acceptance and they’re happy with themselves.
My Vision for a Happier Future
All of this may be too weird, too unstructured for most. There are definitely kids who need more structure but this is what works best for us.
Our goals for our kids are different than the goals our parents had for us. Growing up, I felt that the expectations for me were to get good grades, go to college and get a good education so I could get a good job. And that’s what I did. And seven years into that “good job” I started to question everything. It didn’t feel right.
I don’t want our kids to get that far down the path and realize they’ve been living up to someone else’s expectations. I want them to know that they can truly do anything they want any way they want. I want them to be excited about life. I want them to live the lifestyles that work for them. I want them to be passionate about whatever it is they choose to do. I want them to be Who They Are. I want them to be happy being themselves.
If you would like to learn more about homeschooling and unschooling, there are endless resources across the internet. One site that I like is The Natural Child Project. I would also recommend any book by John Hunt (Teach Your Own is a classic).
Here’s an awesome post on unschooling at Zen Habits with a comprehensive list of resources at the end of it: The Beginner’s Guide to Unschooling
For single and working parents out there, homeschooling is definitely an option. It doesn’t take nearly as much time as you think and the older the kids are, the more learning they do on their own. Back when I was initially educating myself I found a number of sites and forums on that specific topic. I won’t list any as I know they’ve changed and I’m sure there are many more now.
If you have experience with homeschooling or unschooling, I would love to hear from you! And if you’re curious, post a question and I’ll do my best to answer it.
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The law of attraction suggests that our positive or negative thoughts bring about positive or negative experiences. My latest book, The Mindful Guide to Law of Attraction, pairs that belief with the powerful practices of mindfulness. Through intentional breathing, writing, and engaging, you’ll hone a method for manifesting health, wealth, and love―the elements of happiness.
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To your happiness! ~Paige
You can find this book at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books-A-Million, and Indigo.
The Mindful Living Guide
Thanks for sharing such an informative article
Thanks for sharing such an informative article
I am a single Mom that does not receive child support so have to provide financially for my daughter. Any suggestions on how I can unschool my child and still cover expenses? I really do appreciate advice (I have looked into work from home jobs but haven’t found any lucrative enough to depend on.) TIY 🙂
Jessi,
It really depends on your circumstances. I’ve heard of single parents who team up with other homeschoolers in their area to work around the parents’ schedules. There are many single parents who work during the day while their kids stay with friends or family then do a couple hours of homeschooling when they get home.
The amount of time necessary with parent and child working together depends on the child’s age, learning style and abilities. Younger kids need more one-on-one time while older kids can often accomplish much on their own (if they’re self-motivated). It really depends on your unique circumstances and children.
There are a variety of intentional communities (rural, urban, suburban) where the participants work together in a variety of ways to support one another and the community. Finding and moving to one of these could reduce the expenses you’re trying to pay for while adopting a community of supportive, like-minded people.
There are many sites and forums that cater specifically to single-parent homeschooling families. Try googling “homeshooling with working parents” or “single parent homeschooling” or similar phrases.
Fabulous post! We love this life too.
Thank you for such a wonderfully encouraging post!
Thanks so much Erin! Unschooling has been amazing for our family on so many levels.
I love reading a post that can makke men and women
think. Also, many thanks for permitting me to comment!
wow this is incredible to read, I don’t plan to have kids anytime soon but if I ever do, that’s exactly how I’d want to raise them. You’re very courageous and inspiring!
Thanks so much Laurence! We actually find it easier to follow our hearts with our kids than try to conform to “the system.” And every year we’re happier and happier with the results!
I strongly advise parents to follow their hearts instead of being pressured by family, teachers and society into doing things that don’t feel right for them. Your heart knows what’s right for you and it doesn’t have to be right of anyone else.
thanks for that, I do love the natural child project… and we totally love unschooling… I just get frustrated that my son get more out of it… theres so much life has to offer and I dont like to down play his interest in video games because it does have value and his interest is genuine but no matter what we love doing, we also need balance and to explore new possibilities at least once in a while.
Every child grows and blooms at their own pace and unschooling is the perfect environment to allow that to happen. Perhaps delve into your own need for him to “get more out of it.” Many times, releasing our own resistance to the way things are is exactly what needs to happen to allow change. The more he feels pushed or forced, the more he’ll resist. See what happens if you show serious interest in whatever he chooses. Let him teach you about what he knows without you guiding him to things you’d like him to learn. You never know what you’ll learn.
I unschool my son and for the most part we love it… my only insecurity is that my son DOES play video games in excess. he has an amazing mind and a profound imagination but trying to offer him other options that might interest him always makes him feel like he’s being punished or is bad… (he’s 10)
He doesnt enjoy reading or doing anything that feels schoolish which is fine with me… but I also know that he has so much potential… There is more to this dilemma which I’d love to share with you and get your insight on… right now Im short on time as we are out the door to visit friends….
Kimberlie,
If you feel that your son plays video games in excess, it’s perfectly OK for you to limit that. While unschooling is child-directed, it doesn’t mean that you have no input. My 8 yr. old son can get stuck watching movies until we simply say that it’s time to do something else. He balked a little initially and we remained firm. He eventually chooses something different. Reinforcing this is important so that he figures out that balking won’t sway us. After a couple months of this, Cody stopped balking at all.
Instead of offering your son things to do, how about letting him choose? Maybe peruse topics on the internet or at the library. If he loves video games, maybe find a programmer friend who can show him what’s “behind the scenes” of a video game. Ask him what he loves about video games and follow his answers with more questions to delve deeper into his passions. Show him how he can learn more about those things or introduce him to people (family, friends, via Meetup.com, etc.) who are also interested in or make a living from those things.
Hope this helps!
there are many underlying factors involved, not the least of which is that he has not met any kids in this neighborhood yet, not for the lack of trying but everyone seems very private and being homeschooled he doesnt get to meet anyone in public school. he does have a few friends from the old neighborhood but thats a 40 min drive so it doesnt happen as often as we’d all like…so he is lonely
Also, he’s super sensitive, takes everything you say to heart even the kindest of suggestions get taken as if he’s being punished or yelled at (not talking just balking here) he’s been this way since birth and while it has improved, it is still an issue. He’ll play with his legos for a while but over all that gets boring when playing by yourself so often. overall I do limit his gaming and encourage the creative gaming over the war games (we got epic mickey one and two because it has a lot of creativity and problem solving, he also likes minecraft and a game called knights journey of dreams…
Its frustrating for me because I just am not into gaming, I try to play some with him but end up getting dizzy. occasionally I can get him to help me in the kitchen but most of the time he’s just not interested in cooking… anything that remotely resembles school is a complete shut down for him (he had a REALLY bad experience in 2nd grade which is why I pulled him out) … I mean he shuts down even for a suggestion of arts and crafts. because he’s such a perfectionist that if he cant make what he imagines look like what it should look like on paper… or in clay or what have you…
Anyway, I guess its mostly because he’s not an average kid… he’s got a brilliant mind yet he also has the sensory perceptive stuff going on so Until I figure out how to help him utilize both to his benefit, we end up in frustrated scenarios
It sounds like there’s much more to it than can be handled in blog comments. You might want to get in touch with Jan Hunt at the Natural Child Project. I love the information she and others provide on this site. She has a Masters degree in Counseling Psychology and over twenty years of experience as a counselor and writer on parenting issues. You can read more about her and how to email her at http://www.naturalchild.org/counseling/
I wish you the best with this. Your son sounds amazing. It’s just a matter of figuring out how to tap into his awesomeness. I’m confident that Jan can help you two.
Let me know how it goes!
I recently found a link to this blog and was reading some of the older posts and saw this one. We are unschoolers as well and my 10-year-old son especially is very interested in gaming. I would encourage you to read this article, and also some of the other posts on her web site. http://livingjoyfully.ca/unschooling/articles/Everything_I_Need_To_Know_article.htm
Thanks so much for posting this Nancy! It’s a perfect example of the benefits of unschooling and, as a parent, seeing the beneficial learning opportunities all around us. There’s no “good” or “bad” learning. Everything adds to our knowledge base.
If “success” can sometimes be defined in monetary terms, think of all the people making tons of money playing, creating and contributing to the giant video game industry. And all the kids that do well in school and can’t find a decent paying job.
Times have changed so much in the past 10 years that the old rules of the past hundred years simply no longer apply.
“make little people into good little employee’s”… I’ve been saying that for years. I’ve written about it too although I am not a blogger and only really write for myself; not journaling, just writing. What I’ve always said is; they were being taught to be good little employees who always pay their taxes and never break the rules… later, they are taught that the size of your bank account and whether you’re saving enough for retirement is of paramount importance. Some people understood what I was saying; many didn’t. I can’t fault them for not “getting it” since they were only doing what they were engineered for… working 60+ and 80+ hours a week because they were taught that is how you make your dreams come true. Recently, I have begun looking at this as slavery… if you accept that it exists in forms rather than degrees (there is no worse or better slavery) then it says a lot about the corporate mindset.
My daughter-in-law just graduated after 9 years of university; I intend to ask her, a couple of years from now, how she feels about the time and money she spent. Considering what she will have experienced and learned in the real world when I do ask, I think her answer might be quite interesting.
There truly was a time when universities were bastions of knowledge. Now, many of them are simply places where the powerful elite drop their kids off in preparation for political careers; notice recent high political offices being populated by folks who were barely capable of coherently communicating their thoughts… but were connected to the right alumni. What a shame.
I think you have a really good idea here Paige. I look forward to the day when previous generations are no longer frightened of the concept behind “unschooling”. Marry this to something else I’ve been seeing lately in urban centers; plenty of folks getting back to the basics of growing gardens and baking their own bread. Coming full circle(?)
You and I are definitely coming from the same place, Sheldon. I couldn’t agree with you more.
I’m also a champion of the local food movement. I love how popular it’s becoming! Given where I live (high mountains, very short growing season, dirt is crushed granite), it takes years of experimentation to figure out how to grow things. Because of this, we buy from an awesome CSA (community supported agriculture) that gets better every year.
And I just took a loaf of fresh bread out of the oven (really!).
My husband and I are considering starting a cross between an intentional community and an upscale guest ranch (we have experience there) as a place to nurture these kinds of ideas and spread them far and wide. The guest ranch part is so that people can experience the ideas that they don’t think can really work and go home and tell others about it.
Things are definitely changing and a whole new, more sustainable way of living is on the rise.
I like the social development aspect of the guest ranch. What a thing it would be to re-educate people on the positive benefits of learning how to cook healthy meals with natural ingredients and bake their own bread; of learning the value of shopping at local farmers markets instead of big-box grocery stores; or perhaps, learning how to grow their own food (or at least some of it)… and then take those new ideas and experiences home. Wonderful! Just because one lives in an urban center does not mean one must eat garbage.
I am also a baker and smiled when you mentioned just pulling a fresh loaf out of the oven as I had just got to the computer after setting my dough in pans.
Also, I am a big supporter of the “old” bartering system. I am always on the lookout for situations that allow me to barter and some folks are surprised when I make the offer as they assume that money must change hands… my priorities are simply different.
As an aside… but not really; I have always thought that perception/perspective was the foundation. For instance; you can struggle with trying to keep a secret you were told or you can choose to honour the trust placed in you. Choice determines the ease or discomfort we experience. That is the fundamental truth behind every thought and subsequent action. Digging into your site informs me that you know this quite well.
Keep on dishing out the truth Paige… I, for one, am very appreciative of your efforts. We really do need to carve out a niche of personal space that is conducive to peace and sanity; we need to learn how to be happy and content with ourselves and sites like yours are gems offering a very valuable service to that end.
Thank you Paige 🙂
Thank you so much Sheldon! I truly appreciate all that you’ve said. I like the bartering system too. It’s one of the things that would make the intentional community successful. Who needs money when you live near people who can all provide for each other’s needs?
Namaste
I see already some things that my kids will love! Thank you!
Thanks
This sounds great. Homeschooling is not allowed in Germany, but who knows where I’ll end up having kids, right? 🙂
One question: What do you do when it comes to the more difficult stuff? When they’re around 14 or 16, what will they learn? What will you teach them? Will you prepare them for some kind of test so they can go to college if they want to?
Lots of inspiration. You got me thinking. 🙂
They’ll learn whatever interests them as long as they want. That’s what we do as adults. When they’re around 14 or 16, they’ll continue to be avid learners and will have the skills to find and research topics of their choice. Homeschooling actually takes much less of the parents time as the kids get older.
With unschooling, it’s the parent’s job to basically expose our kids to as many ideas and experiences as possible. Then we see where their interests lie and support their growth in those areas of interest. Unschooling is child-directed learning. Parents don’t dictate anything. We support.
The number of homeschooled kids who attend college is increasing and many colleges (especially the Ivy Leagues) seek out homeschooled kids because they’re more avid and interested learners. Testing is becoming optional as it’s a very limited way of assessing someone’s awesomeness.
Personally, my husband and I see very limited reasons for attending college these days. We’re both college graduates but so much has changed and things change so quickly. If our kids want to attend, we’ll support that. If not, the possibilities are limitless.
Here’s an amazing article about how you can set yourself up for success in life much more effectively than by going to college: http://www.fourhourworkweek.com/blog/2011/09/29/8-steps-to-getting-what-you-want-without-formal-credentials/
I thought that homeschooling means that you still take some standardized tests to show that you’ve learned certain things.
I’ve read the link and I think it’s absolutely true. The informal job market is much more fun. 🙂
But I also think that college is a great way to learn if you pick a major that you really care about. I’m going to start visiting psychology lectures in a week -how amazing is that?
But things are different in Germany. College is free, you only have to pay around 500€ per year on administration and a really cool train ticket for students. You just have to have a certain school education to get into college. So going to college is much less of a risk in Germany.
Still I think it’s important to learn other things on your own, because college can’t teach you all the stuff you’re interested in.
But if your kids grow up and want to become something that no college offer, I agree, why bother spending so much money on it?
A cool local nonprofit here in New York has created this site of cool digital education games to help kids get excited about learning. http://www.powermylearning.com It has no advertising.
This looks like a great site! I already see some things my kids will love! Thank you!!
Thank you for your post. It is very encouraging!
I have been reading more and more about unschooling. I want to unschool my daughter, but i am scared to death at the same time. I also was the A student in school. I honestly don’t remember most of what I “learned”. I would take notes and memorize them the night before the test, and pass 100%. I have 2 older boys in their 20’s that struggled in school. One was advanced, the other had learning disabilitied. They both were bored and got in trouble. Both were diagnosed with ADHD and “had” to take medicine. I regret this all now. When my daughter was born I decided she would never be in a public school. The closer she came to the Kindergarden age, the more scared I became. In fact, she didn’t start school until she was 6 because I didn’t know what to do and was scared I would mess up if I homeschooled. We ended up going with a virtual academy called K12. This has been good until this year. She is 8 and in 2nd grade. She says she “hates” school. In her free time she goes on math, science and reading websites, watches the Science channel, Animal Planet, and National Geographic Wild. She ask me to read Science books, animal books, or books about people to her. So she obviously loves to learn, just not in “school”. I have been searching trying to find the perfect fit for her learning. To me it seems like she is in some ways unschooling herself. My main problem is, how do I unschool her and work at the same time. The other problem I have is I have no support from family or friends while doing K12 with her. I’ve been told that she is too unsocialized. That she will never learn as much as other kids. I’ve been told how bad it is when I have to take her to work with me. I’ve even been told that if i would have put her in “regular” school I could have taken a job that was offered to me. With this job I would have to buy a new car, pay for daycare, sometimes be out of town for days, pay book fees and so on. So I would be working to pay a car payment, daycare, extra gasoline, extra work clothes car repairs, higher car insurance, etc. I also would only see my daughter on the weekends, holidays, and some evenings. The evenings would be homework, eat, get ready for bed so you can get up and be on a bus at 6:30am every morning. Weekend would be spent doing errands, getting groceries, doing homework, cleaning the house. So how is getting the job good for anyone. I would love to find a job that I could do from home and that she could also eventually learn. I would also love this because then I could afford to pursue a lot of her interest. All this said I’m still glad I am teaching her at home. I just know I need to step it up and do something different so I don’t lose her in the process.
Sandra,
First of all, know that it’s impossible for you to “mess up” with homeschooling. It sounds like your daughter is much like my son. My husband barters his farrier services for tutoring services (one of his clients is a teacher). They meet at the local library to work on lessons. When they only sit at a desk and “do lessons,” my son hates it and says he “hates learning.” He doesn’t hate learning, he just hates how it’s done in schools. This tutor changed her methods so it’s fun for my son and now he enjoys working with her.
Learning should never be a chore. It sounds like you could leave your daughter alone for much of the day and she would handle all of her own learning. And that’s a perfectly legitimate approach. You don’t want to dampen her enthusiasm for learning. All the K12-type programs that I’ve researched are basically “school at home” and don’t support the independent learning of most homeschooling approaches. It sounds like your daughter simply needs a more open and free-flowing approach.
All those people putting pressure on you are speaking from fear and lack of knowledge. When someone’s first criticism of homeschooling is lack of socialization, I know that they are the least knowledgeable about homeschooling. They only know one way and feel that everyone has to do things that way. I’ve been in your shoes. I’ve also taken that job that took me away from my kids all week for the big paycheck and it was the most miserable decision I’ve ever made. It was so wrong for me and my family. I was infinitely happier when I took a job close to home that only paid a third as much. You can’t get back that time with your kids. And, as you’ve mentioned, you have to look at the real costs of that paycheck. Are you willing to pay that price? It sounds like you’re not.
Yes, working from home would be your ideal solution. Set the intention and visualize what you want your life to look like on a daily basis. KNOW that it’s possible and stop listening to all those other people telling you how to live your life.
If you need someone to talk to, to bounce ideas off of or to get some new ideas, I would love to speak with you. I want to do anything I can to support others in doing what their hearts are telling them to do. It’s not always easy. Know that I’m there for you. My phone number and email are on my About & Contact page.
We homeschool, but don’t unschool, though we are pretty relaxed about curriculum and such until kids to middle school.
It’s interesting what you say about the enthusiasm and attitude of homeschooled kids. I just wrote a post today about “weird” homeschoolers!
http://meaganmcgovern.blogspot.com/2012/04/weird-annoying-homeschooled-kids.html
Thanks for sharing your story — sounds like you’ve got great kids!
Meagan,
I read your post and LOVE it! Your kids sound awesome!! And you obviously see how keeping learning fun and delving into passions keeps kids’ hearts and minds so alive. It’s a very beautiful thing! Power to the Weirdo’s!!
Hi Paige
I love your homeschool because it sounds just like mine! Glad you’ve enjoyed dinosaurs too… We’ve made dinosaur robots out of household trash, marbled a dinosaur egg, made a pterosaur fly – and the main difference is that it’s all FUN! The trouble with school is it tends to make everything boring and you can’t go with the interests of your child. If your daughter is enjoying drawing horses – think how much she will be learning…I never knew where Catherine’s love of dragons would take her but downsatirs we now have a life-size paper mache one!
Best wishes
Sonya
Sonya,
I would love to see a picture of Catherine’s dragon! My son would be inspired to create a T-Rex that size. Oh no! 🙂
Yes, I love how we can follow our kids’ passions and interests in any direction and at any pace, keeping it all very fun in the process. That’s certainly nothing I remembered about school.
I love all the creative ideas you guys have come up with! Keep it going!!
i love the unschooling movement/concept. i don’t have kids myself yet but would like to in the future.. one thing about unschooling though.. just because there may be a ‘lack of structure’ doesn’t mean there has to be a lack of discipline. I know some parents who are into this concept.. children our are best teachers.. let them be free etc. but I found them to be really bratty with not much discipline. i also LOVE the waldorf schools. unschooling seems like a lot of work, so i might consider waldorf.
There’s definitely no lack of discipline in our house, Janet. Having them guide their own education does not mean they are left to run amok.
While everyone feels comfortable with their own approaches, unschooling seems to take the least amount of work (and stress for kids and parents). There’s no specific lesson planning, searching for curriculum or structured time for schooling. We simply find teaching moments as we go through our days. Learning doesn’t have to look to school because it’s happening all the time.
I’ve heard some great things about the Waldorf schools.
Thanks so much for your comment, Janet!
My friend makes mindfulness courses and i’ve been to a couple of them and i just feel so relieved and i start to understand who i am and now im finally able to accept others 🙂
I’m so glad that mindfulness has helped you in so many ways, Thomas! It’s amazing how thoroughly it can transform our lives if we’re open to the changes.
I admire your courage and dedication Paige! Even today’s alternative schools can be difficult for many children, and the ridiculous pressure and stigma on the kids who don’t progress at the ‘expected’ levels! It can be devastating to a child. My older daughter didn’t read until she was 9 – and fortunately she was attending a non-maintstream alternative school at the time and they did not give her a hard time with that. At 9, she picked up a chapter book and was right in there with her classmates. (Meanwhile, I was the one worrying and freaking out – but I didn’t show it.) I’ve known other kids in mainstream school systems who had the same learning style and developed a true hatred of reading because they were stigmatized when they didn’t pick it up “on schedule” at 6 years old.
Unfortunately, since my husband and I both worked full-time in our businesses out of the home, home schooling wasn’t an option. And honestly, I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to provide them with what they’d need to get by in today’s world. It’s inspiring to see you step up to this and take charge, having the confidence to know your kids will excel by learning for the joy of learning’s sake. Very interesting post.
Sarah,
Great for you for having your daughter in an alternative school. I’ve seen so many bright kids who were stigmatized by not doing exactly what their peers are doing. I always refer to a homeschooled boy that I read about who didn’t read until he was 12 and went on to Harvard. Every kid is different and we need to be there to support them.
It drives me a little crazy when my parents or my husband’s parents start comparing our kids’ progress to that of their neices and nephews who are in public schools. I don’t say anything but there are some obvious negative effects on some of those kids from being in the school system.
Thanks for your support Sarah!
Epic, Epic post Paige! And thanks so much for the link. 🙂 I love the idea of unschooling and getting the perspective of someone who is doing this successfully is invaluable. I think this approach is the ideal – not necessarily the unstructured way, as you said, some kids need structure. But the idea of tailoring the educational style to each child. The industrial age is over. It’s time our education system followed suit. And it’s parents like you who are making that happen. Your kids are so lucky! 🙂
Huge hugs!
Melody
Thanks so much Melody!
As I mentioned in my reply to Evan, yes, the Industrial Revolution is definitely over and it’s time our society started to admit it. It brought on so many damaging practices to families in an effort to increase production and consumption. After about 100 years we’re finally starting to realize that it’s not such a great system. I have an idea for another post on how schools and being employees have almost obliterated the concept of multi-generational families – something that remains commonplace in much of the world. But there’s a reversing movement on the rise there as well.
Thanks and big, big hugs!!
We started our oldest currently 8, in school and ended up pulling him out to homeschool. It was just what he needed and it suited my time better. We have all of our children (4, 6, 8 ) in schools again this year due to circumstances that made keeping them home during the day detrimental as we are dealing with a host of time draining issues on behalf of their hospital-ridden grandfather, inclulding living through construction of the home. While our kids have “liked” this different schooling experience, and have pretty much aced the coursework, even though in a different language, they are ready to be done with it. This is especially true of our son. He is bored and we end up having arguments with him to stop reading his textbooks so he can get school assignments done. It is absurd to have to reprimand a child for learning independently just so they can jump through a required school-hoop. I realized that if I just left him to his own devices, all of them really, he would devour his books and learn well beyond the scope of what he will learn to “pass” his coursework. So, next year when life should be more settled again, we have planned to try unschooling more so than traditional homeschooling. I look forward to my children being less tired and more in-sync with their own learning and body rhthms again which the school schedule and routine does not allow for the individual needs and styles of each child. And for sure, I am anticipating have a much better learning harmony between me and my kids again instead of playing the homework supervisor. Thanks for the encouragement from this article.
It sounds like your heart is definitely in the right place, Lee. There are times where we may not be able to do things exactly the way we would like but we know we’re doing our best – and that’s the best we can do.
Your son sounds like an extremely bright kid who would be “dumbed down” (a John Hunt term) by the school system. With unschooling, there are no rules. Do what works for your family. The kids will find their own best way as long as we stay out of their way (which is sometimes hard for us parents to do).
Instead of training our kids to be good employees or trained for a profession we choose for them (basically what the school system does), we need to step back and allow them to find and express their own passions. I think it’s our job as parents to support them and, by example, show them the values that we hope to instill in them.
If you need any support along the way, I’m here for you Lee! You’re doing a great job!!
Delighted to read this. I have no children but think school is pointless (at best and usually damaging). I was a mediocre student (except at English and Economics – never looked at economics again).
Much kudos to you and keep up the great work!
Thanks so much Evan!
I personally think that school was an invention of the Industrial Revolution to get the parents working and to train the kids to follow in their parents’ footsteps without balking about it. Unfortunately it has taken about 100 years for people to finally start balking about it – now that the whole job/financial/political/educational system is showing its cracks.
Superb read, Paige. I know exactly what you’re saying about “reading the teachers” – I have that habit to this day. I still take notes even when I am talking to someone on the phone. It might look like the pen and my spirally bound notebook are my best friends. I’ve tried experimenting too with reading from my text books and suffered a lower grade. My notes were always the best and I remember aiming to ensure that every word that left the teacher’s lips landed on my notebook’s page.
I’ve so much wished to homeschool Vidur. We discussed it a lot when he went to playschool ten years ago – yet in our system, we did not have the guts to do it. There was one school that followed the natural way of learning but it required him to be a boarder there, something we were not ready to do. I often suggested homeschooling, but there were other issues – socializing and being with other kids his age. Another thing was – we could easily see how the rest of the kids in our apartment complex would view him as a weirdo who did not go to school. It is all too easy to be pressurized by all that and so we just took the regular step of enrolling him in school, just like everyone else. But years down the line, I must confess feeling a little inadequate at his amazing ability to learn far beyond what school teaches him. His interests are very different from children his age – and we encourage him to pursue whatever he wants.
Right now, his biggest “challenge” according to him is the inability to decide which subject to focus on, as he is in the tenth grade, and this is the defining year to decide on one’s career path here. From the next year they will choose to focus on one area (such as arts, commerce, science…etc.). His problem is, he loves all subjects equally. So it is a dilemma right now. I’ve told him to explore everything and soon, he will know what he wants to do. He is crazy about music, drawing, sketching, writing – and is good at all of these things.
I love that you chose to “unschool”. I think the more parents understand what it is all about, the better their children will turn out to be. Unfortunately, here, at least – with both parents needing to work to run their lives comfortably, taking this major step looks practically impossible to them.
For our part, we do not intend to push Vidur into the standard IIT/Engineering..whatever that most parents feel anxious about. We have categorically told him that he should pursue what he is passionate about.
I would be thrilled to hear more about your experiences with this, Paige. The links you mentioned at the end are amazing resources. Thank you.
Vidya,
It sounds like both our minds and brains work alike. Must be that shared birthday thing. 🙂
Are there any other families in your area that homeschool? Even though we live “in the middle of nowhere” there are many homeschooling families that get together once a week for classes that the group created. Parents volunteer to teach them and they’re open to all ages. This is one way of getting the kids out with other kids.
Also, the public schools let homeschooled kids participate in all the sports and extracurricular activities whenever they like. There are so many opportunities for socialization that it’s actually never been a concern by anyone who homeschools.
I think it’s crazy that the school systems there expect a 14 year old kid to know what he’s supposed to do with the rest of his life. Yes, colleges in the US expect it of 18 or 19 year olds which is equally absurd. How many times have we all changed our minds and gone in different directions since we were that young?
There is so much stress we put on the younger generation to figure this out so soon and send the message that they can’t change their minds later. There are a growing number of very popular blogs that cater to this group. I try to post on them letting them know that it’s OK not to know. Just pick something you love and go with it. When you change your mind, change course.
Since Vidur has so many interests, you could homeschool him in the interests that he has that he’s not focusing on at school. Homeschooling takes less and less of the parent’s time as the kids get older. Given what you’ve told me about Vidur, you might spend an hour a day or less guiding and supporting him. His passions and interests give him the motivation to learn. School isn’t the only place a mind learns.
If there’s any way I can help and support you guys, please let me know. <3
Wow! For a future mom (future husband, where are you? LOL), I’m glad I read about this beforehand. I grew up learning that you need to succeed in life is hard work and a college diploma. But now when I look at it, most of the things I needed to survive and live this life I learned after college.
I never liked reading textbooks and I barely remember any of those lessons. But I remember the values thought to me by “Tuesdays with Morrie,” the bible, and all those fiction books I’ve read.
Thanks for showing me the alternatives, Paige!
The world is changing so fast that the school systems can’t keep up. Unless someone wants to be a doctor, lawyer or accountant or something else that requires a degree, I don’t see a need for college any more. The article I linked to gives many reasons why it’s generally a waste of time and money.
The key to being happy is to live life on your own terms and no one else’s. This is one of the many ways we can do this.
And I’m putting the feel-good energies out for a man for you, Glori!!! 🙂
So lovely! I teach awareness and mindfulness to adults to help cope with stress and loss. I want to start helping kids to look within to find their passion. I love hearing about the ways other people are introducing these concepts. Thank you!
That sounds like some amazing work, Sheila! I think there needs to be more in the way of letting kids explore the world on their own terms and I love that you’re doing that! I also think people need to know that it’s OK to change your mind on your passions and career as often as it suits you. There are a growing number of blogs out there to support people who pursue multiple interests. They feel like they’ve been negatively labelled by society for not being able to pick one thing and stick with it their entire lives. I don’t know of anyone who could do that and be truly happy.
Kuddos to you, Sheila! Please let me know how I can support you!