Think about how your day has gone so far. How often have you chosen others over yourself?
In my last post, I wrote about what happens to me when I choose others more often than I choose myself. It’s not pretty.
I got so busy being busy with my job and home life that I pushed the things that feed me out of most days. I was tired, cranky and not feeling well physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
It took a few months of this before I realized that I needed to choose myself.
When the Student Is Ready…
I have precious little time to sit and read but have 3+ hours of commuting a day to listen to great podcasts and audiobooks. One of my favorite podcasts is Chris Brogan’s Human Business Way. Over the past few months, Chris interviewed James Altucher three times. I loved all of these interviews and resonated with what they discussed.
James is an investor, entrepreneur, hedge fund manager, chess master and writer. He has succeeded big and failed even bigger numerous times. He knows what it’s like to be on top of the world and to lose everything (money, family, friends, health and happiness).
It’s from these experiences (what some may call failures) that he has learned the importance of choosing yourself first and foremost.
When he chose himself each day, he succeeded at whatever he was working on. When he forgot this practice, everything fell apart. The most effective way he put the pieces back together each time was by choosing himself.
When James talked about his latest book, Choose Yourself: Be Happy, Make Millions, Live the Dream, I had to get it. I listened to it twice during my commutes recently.
It’s the message I needed to hear and I’m guessing that you could benefit from it too.
The premise of the book is (quoted from the book):
This is about a new phase in history where art, science, business and spirit will join together, both externally and internally, in the pursuit of true wealth. It’s a phase where ideas are more important than people and everyone will have to choose themselves for happiness. They will have to build the foundation internally for that choice to manifest. And from that internal health the rest will come, whether it’s a business, art, health, success.
The systems we’ve relied on to keep us safe are changing quickly and can no longer be relied on. There’s no such thing as a “safe and secure” job. A college education doesn’t guarantee you any kind of job. Governments don’t support the average citizen but are at the beck and call of giant corporations with questionable motives. The banking systems have been showing their cracks for years. Healthcare is about profit, not healing or wellness.
It’s not all bad news. It’s simply change.
It’s time for us to be, do and have differently. It’s time for us to choose ourselves and take responsibility for our own lives and happiness. If we don’t, no one else will.
The Daily Practice
How do you choose yourself? Two things:
Only do things you enjoy.
This doesn’t have to mean ditch everything in your life that you don’t like. It could, but it doesn’t have to. We still have to work and pay the bills.
I’m not just talking about those “only pursue a career you enjoy” platitudes. I mean it down to your very thoughts. Only think about the people you enjoy. Only read the books you enjoy, that make you happy to be human. Only go to the events that actually make you laugh or fall in love. Only deal with the people who love you back, who are winners and want you to win too.
This is a daily practice.
Stop saying “yes” to things to please other people. Every time you do, you’re selling your time, your life energy, your soul.
The Daily Practice
The Daily Practice involves feeding your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual bodies. Doing this makes you holistically healthy and happy enough to choose yourself and create your own amazing life.
Physical:
- Eat healthy foods.
- Drink lots of water.
- Move your body (walking is perfect).
- Get plenty of sleep.
Emotional:
- Surround yourself with positive people who inspire you and avoid everyone else.
- Speak less and listen more.
- Express gratitude.
Mental:
- Write down ten new ideas every day on any topic.
Spiritual:
- Move your thinking out of the past and future (worries, regrets, anxiety, anger, fears) and into the present where everything is much more peaceful.
James offers a list of specific things you can do every day to make this daily practice simple.
Make your intention to choose yourself and take a little action on that intention every day.
Your Outer World Is a Reflection of Your Inner World
People build up a life, it becomes unsatisfactory, and they want to figure out how to change it like an outfit on a doll.
But you can’t change life from the outside. We all know this now. In the Choose Yourself era, it is only possible to give up the normal contraptions of externalized identity and live a life more free than you can imagine if you start from the inside out. Where every day is an adventure. And every time you look in the mirror, a new person is there.
If you want to change your life, YOU have to change from the inside out.
It’s you – your thoughts, your moment-to-moment choices, your beliefs, your attitude – that create the life you’re living.
The second half of Choose Yourself is a treasure trove of stories of real people who have experienced many types of success by choosing themselves.
Rather than just giving you a tactical “how to” on the steps these people took to get to where they are (although he does include some of this), more importantly, James looks into their ways of thinking and being. He highlights the lessons we can learn and implement in our daily lives to express and live our own amazing lives.
What kind of person chooses themselves? How do they do that? How does that lead to success?
- Be you. Be real.
- Show up.
- Learn to ride the waves that will always come.
- Find time for stillness.
- Take care of yourself via the Daily Practice.
- Find ways to help others and do those things.
- Keep the ideas flowing and have “idea sex.”
- Promote yourself and your ideas because no one else will.
- Fail often and learn from those experiences.
- Know that only about 30% of the people out there will like you. Don’t worry about the other 70%.
The more of the book I read, the better I felt about myself and all my quirks. I also felt more confident about the greatness I have to share with others.
And ultimately, a happy you will be the greatest contribution you can make toward a happy society. [Tweet this!]
A Gift for You
Picture of James from his wife, Claudia’s, blog (Love that she’s a yogi.)
In his interview with Chris Brogan, James said that he didn’t care if he made any money on Choose Yourself. He just wanted people to read it and implement the Daily Practice and other ideas in their daily life to make the world a better place.
After listening to the book, I completely agree with him. This message is critically important to our personal happiness and the happiness of the world.
I emailed James and asked him if he would send me three copies of his book to share with my readers. He replied almost instantly and said that he was sending ten. They were at my house two days later. Wow!
If you would like me to send you one of these copies, leave a comment below describing how you think this book will help you. I can’t wait to read your ideas!
You can learn more about James at www.JamesAltucher.com.
P.S. – I’m writing this on my flight home from Portland, OR where I attended the World Domination Summit. Attending an event like this is the ultimate form of choosing yourself.
I was surrounded by 2,800 of the most amazing people who are out to save/change the world by expressing their gifts in their own unique ways.
It’s the biggest gathering of positive, inspiring, uplifting, motivational and awesome people I could imagine.
After reading Choose Yourself again to write this review and attending WDS, I’m inspired all over again to choose myself and my happiness so that I can help you to do the same.
Thank you so much for being a part of the Simple Mindfulness community!
Create the life you want: Combine the law of attraction with mindfulness
The law of attraction suggests that our positive or negative thoughts bring about positive or negative experiences. My latest book, The Mindful Guide to Law of Attraction, pairs that belief with the powerful practices of mindfulness. Through intentional breathing, writing, and engaging, you’ll hone a method for manifesting health, wealth, and love―the elements of happiness.
Let the law of attraction work for you by adopting its basic steps of identifying and visualizing the things you desire. Then use 45 practical meditation techniques included in the book to achieve awareness. By concentrating your positive energy on obtaining your wants, you’ll give yourself permission to receive them.
To your happiness! ~Paige
You can find this book at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books-A-Million, and Indigo.
The Mindful Living Guide
The message of this book is great! Choose yourself. Every single time. Are you being rejected by companies when submitting resumes? Choose yourself. Are you being turn out by women when asking them out for dates? Choose yourself.
In this book, James Altucher shares with you a simple message of choosing yourself every single time, in every situation. Not only that, he shares with you ideas on how you can do that
Thanks for spreading the word on James’ book Moona! I recently listened to his latest: The Power of No, which he wrote and recorded with his wife. More powerful advice with lots of examples.
As a public school teacher, mother of grown children, grandmother, elderly parental care provider, and significant-other, I have begun to feel overwhelmed with responsibilities. This confounds me, because, for the most part, I enjoy wearing, and attempting to balance, each of those hats. I am struggling with maintaining resilience and reserve in the daily process of keeping up with my responsibilities. I often feel spent, exhausted, and ineffective. Reading this blog has been encouraging, and I look forward to reading this book.
Thank you.
Thank you Sharlyn! Given all your roles, it’s definitely time for you to choose yourself. There’s nothing wrong with you when you feel overwhelmed, spent and exhausted. It’s difficult to maintain the same level of energy handling the same responsibilities as we get older. Having a baby at 42 made it quite obvious to me why most women have children in their 20’s and early 30’s. I simply didn’t have the energy at 42 that I had with my first child at 36.
As you take on all of your roles, think about why those roles and the activities that go along with them are important to you. The words “should” and “supposed to” highlight areas where you’re trying to appease other people and not yourself. Consider what you want out of life now and in the near future. Are your current thoughts, beliefs and actions supporting that? What would have to change?
It’s OK to start saying “no” to things you’ve said “yes” to for years. The author of Choose Yourself released a new book that he wrote with his wife called “The Power of No” that highlights the benefits of choosing yourself and saying no.
Make time for yourself part of your daily routine. The world won’t stop if you don’t keep doing everything you’ve been doing for years. You are the only one who knows best how to take care of you. You truly will be a better person for everyone in your life when you care for yourself first.
Great advise Paige, this week I am going on a road trip across the country to see my parents, I will be gone for 10 days, I will use that time for myself, and you are right about loving myself, I have been working on that for the last 4 months and a lot of things have come up from within. I appreciate everything you said. Thanks Paige
Thank you Robin! May I suggest extending your trip to longer than 10 days to explore the country (for maybe a month or two). Stay off the interstates and explore the smaller, slower highways that go through the middle of towns. Stop often to eat at local eateries and explore anything that seems the slightest bit interesting. Talk to people and make new friends. Notice the kinds of things you’re drawn to.
Think of it as an adventure. You never know what it will lead to or what doors it will open.
I would like a copy of “choose yourself” because, I am at a place In my life that I need guidance, I am in a no romance marriage (25) years and I long for companionship, romance, I feel like I am stuck on a rock, cannot make a move because I cant afford to move and besides I don’t have a job as of this month. So I think this book can help me put things in perspective, and maybe move forward in life, it is very scary at my age to make a change.
Robin,
Unfortunately I have given away all the copies of the book that James sent me. You can get a copy on Amazon or an audio version (James himself is the narrator) from Audible.com.
Given what you’ve described, it sounds like this is a good time for you to start living your own life, just for you. Before you can begin a great, new relationship with someone else, you need to develop one with yourself. Give to yourself. Love yourself. Accept yourself unconditionally. You can’t give to someone else what you can’t give to yourself. Learn to be OK by yourself and with yourself. It’s not until you stop “needing” someone else in your life that you’ll attract the right kind of mate for you.
No one can complete you. Another person’s love for you will never be enough unless you can completely love yourself just as you are.
If you have some money in savings (even a little), this could be a good time to get out and explore. There are web sites with great communities like http://www.couchsurfing.com where you can make friends and stay places for free. Do you have friends/family across the country or globe that you can visit? Get out and explore.
I did this for two years and it was one of the best experiences of my life. I found odd jobs (some of them very odd) to make some money along the way. I worked at a dude ranch that provided room and board for a while. I made friends who had extra rooms for me. I used the time to “find myself.”
Yes, change can be scary. But what is scarier? Changing to seek out a more fulfilling life? Or staying exactly where you are for another 25 years?
I awakened to an interview this morning with the author on Hay House Radio…. and stayed awake! It was great to listen to his responses to various questions that were called in. This message is surely a gift and a well needed treasure for healing our global society…I practice much of what is presented here, and could always use more….would love a copy and will share this precious info!!! thanks…joyous blessings
I wish I had heard the interview Sahdana! Yes, healing ourselves is the first step toward healing the world. It’s amazing what a big impact small daily practices can make.
I’ve awarded all the free copies that James sent to me. He does offer to refund your purchase price if you can show him that you’ve read the book (details in the back of the book).
Many blessings!
Hi Paige! It’s been a while! I hope you’re well!
SOme great thoughts here, and I find that most of my struggles begin in the Spiritual realm, then work their way into the mental realm, then emotional.. In other words, if I can decide to stop worrying or being anxious about the future (or the past) and actually narrow my focus to the here and now, I’m able to get in a state of mind to be more grateful, to find those who LIFT UP my feelings and not stress them out, etc. Everything is connected so EVERYTHING is affected when one of those things is out of sync. Great thoughts!
Great to see you again Bryan! I completely agree with you. I’m finally creating a habit of noticing when my mind is being crazy, stressing about one thing or another. As soon as I become the observer of the craziness instead of being caught in the middle of it, I think, “Be here now.” It brings me back to the present moment where everything is pretty darned good. And I smile when I realize how easy it is to make this shift at any time. It also opens my mind and heart to all the wonderful things I’m grateful for in the present moment.
Yes, everything is definitely connected. The more we can shift our thoughts and emotions, the easier it is to heal our physical bodies as well.
When I came across this article, it truly resonates simply because, more often than not, especially for mothers, they tend to forget themselves over the responsibility they have over their children especially if you are alone. I strongly would like and am curious to check out how the title of the book would truly teach me how to Choose Yourself over all the responsibilities and commitment you may have to your loved ones. I guess it really takes a great discipline to achieve that.
I really love your site Paige – because truly – at the bottomline of all things, mindfulness is indeed the best way to achieve what you want to achieve. I envy that it seems just like eating peanuts when you tell us about it. 🙂
Thank you, thank you.
I love the analogy of eating peanuts Sarie! If you can become more mindful of the stories running through your head that tell you to put everyone else first, you create a space where you realize that putting yourself first is a choice that’s always available to you.
A while ago I did an exercise where I identified my top three values. It took a while to do but it’s made my life seem much more effortless. With every decision that I make, I ask how it contributes to those priorities. If it doesn’t contribute, it goes very low on my list of priorities.
I recently finished reading Love Yourself Like Your Life Depended On It by Kamal Ravikant. I highly recommend it! He asks himself one very powerful question at varying times throughout his day: If I loved myself truly and deeply, would I let myself experience this? It brings the same level of love and compassion that you have for your children to yourself. And why not?
Slow down and examine each peanut (choice) before mindlessly popping them all in your mouth. The experience will change you.
Great Post.thank you for share… expecting more.
Thanks so much Arthur! Please let me know if there are particular topics you would like me to cover. I had no end to things to write about but want to make sure I’m hitting everyone’s hot buttons.
Your posts have been hitting really close to home, of late. Really close. And this one is probably the closest. It is one thing to know something through experience and quite another to put that knowledge into practice. Which is where I’m at right now. Please keep your posts coming. I’ll bet that I share the same ‘boat’ with alot of others. Thank you
Thank you Jim! We must be living on the same wavelength since I usually write about whatever I’m experiencing. The challenge is to learn a lesson in one situation and realize that the lesson you just learned can be applied to a completely different situation. Noticing that type of flexibility, I think, is true knowledge.
Have an amazing day!
My best friend asked me last night why I meditate, exercise, and write first thing in the morning. My primary reason is exactly what you write about in this pose. It’s because I nurture myself FIRST. Once I’ve fed my body, mind, and soul, I have something to give to the world.
Besides, everything else is gravy after that.
What a perfect way to start the day Nneka! Yes, all four of our bodies need to be properly fed. I feel the difference throughout the day when I have or haven’t done my yoga and meditation practice.
Doing these most important things first thing in the morning ensures that nothing else gets in the way.
Bravo to you for putting yourself first. Maybe your friend will notice the difference and give it a try. 🙂
That’s my problem before. I often get into trouble because I always choose others over myself. My pursuit to please my friends, relatives and family drag me to financial problems and stress. Definitely not a nice move but I learned from it. 🙂
So glad to hear that you’ve learned from your experiences Sue. Sometimes that’s difficult to do until the Universe hits us hard over the head to get the message across.
I like the concept of the Daily Practice because it helps us to focus on what to do each day instead of reminding us what not to do. When we think, “Don’t do that,” the “that” is exactly what we keep doing. The Practice helps to steer us in the better direction.
I would love a copy of this book!
I spent years choosing others first, and I physically almost died. My body screamed at me “enough”. So I listened for a bit, but continued to compromise in little areas…and my body again caught my attention. I got it. I am learning to center first, then serve. Which is easy on paper, sometimes not so easy in life. As a single mom entrepreneur in a service field, I could potentially work 24/7 but I don’t because I know I serve others best when my energy is abundant and full and that happens when I choose myself first. It still takes concentrated effort because it is a new practice for me. And I think this book would be wonderful re-inforcement and affirmation.
You’ve come so far on your journey, Joy! I love your transparency in describing where you are. Yes, putting ourselves first is very difficult when our culture teaches and rewards us for putting ourselves last. You’re a powerful woman. As long as you put in the effort and persevere, what is currently difficult will become easy sooner than you expect.
The fascinating part of the book that I look for are the description of individuals putting these ideas into action. I need such examples to really make sense of the messages. We’re talking about somethings that are like to on the edge “This makes sense and I’ll apply it. And then be able to really apply it. Life is great and life is hard. This book will light some of my path.
Frank – I agree with you that real-world examples help to make concepts more concrete. My analytical mind always wants to know how things work and how to implement new concepts.
I enjoyed reading how different people on different paths put these principles into practice to change their lives and become happier and more successful (however they wanted to define success).
I don’t think any of these ideas are quick fixes. As the name implies, they’re part of a daily practice that, when practiced on a daily basis, provide slow but steady results.
I believe this book would help me overcome my self-imposed limits. I’m okay on the physical part of a Daily Practice, but not so much on the rest. My mental game needs to improve if I’m ever going to get out of my rut and implement my big ideas to save the world.
Abby – It sounds like your mental game is OK if you have lots of big ideas. It may be your emotional game and the people you surround yourself with that needs to change. This can be a difficult one if it means breaking long-standing relationships or distancing ourselves from less-than-supportive family.
Also ask yourself why those big ideas are critically important to you. What will your life (and the world) be like in 5, 10 or 20 years if you don’t do anything and if you execute your plans? How does that make you feel? Feel those feelings deeply every day. You may find your motivation there.
Hi Paige. I desperately need a copy of James fabulous sounding book! Recently i feel i have lost sight of what happiness looks like for me. Many parts of my life are going really well at the moment and yet when i read James words (on the link to the website you posted) and it was a wow moment. That is it, I am skimming my life, so busy doing but living on a kind of numb autopilot. I could seriously use some help in getting back on track and his book would be a lifesaver for me right now. Thank you for the excellent post!
With society telling us that we are what we do and the less we do, the less we are, we feel driven to do and accomplish 24/7. But, like you said, we’re skimming life. There’s no depth. There’s no time to feed the soul.
Happiness is found in being more and doing less.
I love how James acknowledges that, “Hey, we all need to pay the bills.” And yet we can choose ourselves and pay the bills at the same time and still be happy.
I have been living my life as a servant. I appreciate that attribute in others and believe it has an important place in society. I served in the army, cared for the developmentally disabled, and have been a public servant since graduating college. These activities have been satisfying and have served me well – until now. I have been in a mental funk and no longer have the energy to exercise as I did just a few months ago. My job has evolved into a career that has left nothing that I enjoy. Now I can’t do don’t do my best at anything. I think it is a price to pay for identifying myself with what I do and not so I am.
Just because you’ve spent most of your life serving others in many capacities does not mean that you can’t change from today forward. From your comment, it sounds like your well has run dry and it’s time to focus on yourself to replenish it.
Society teaches us that we are what we do. I think that’s total BS and so limiting. This may be a good time to get quiet and still and start listening to your True Self. If you have aches, pains or illness in your body, it’s sending you messages that can reveal what will heal you on every level.
While I still have a corporate job in finance (and have for about 25 years), I’ve found that I can be very happy as long as I have the freedom to create, lead change and impact people’s lives. My job is more about who I’m being in the world and how I choose to express myself. Being “just a numbers person” would kill me.
Whether I’m running my own business, being a waitress, wrangler, writer, coach, horse poop scooper or CFO (all real jobs that I’ve had), I’m still the same person with the same mission – to use my gifts to make the world a better place and impact people’s lives.
Paige, I would LOVE to have a copy of the book! I have only recently discovered how choosing myself is changing my life for the better, and receiving this review from you today is just a wonderful part of the journey. One more step in the right direction as I lead myself from past homelessness toward happiness and contentment. Thank you so much for sharing this book with us and for your insightful review. Blessings, Kathleen
Thank you so much Kathleen! That’s quite a journey you’re on! There are so many gems in this book, it was hard to narrow the review down as much as I did.
As you’re finding, the more you open yourself to a certain message, the more it seems to come from everywhere to underline it’s importance. You’ve obviously made some internal shifts in order to attract and be open to hearing this message.
Many blessings!
Maybe for the first time in my life, I’m working consciously on all four bodies – and getting results that sometimes bowl me over. I know I can do even more. Inspire me!
That’s awesome Melva! As you and Dan have experienced, choosing yourself and focusing on being a better you – in every area – can literally change your life. It’s all those changes you’re making on the inside that attract new, different and better things to you on the outside.
I’ve found that the best way to be inspired is to be around others who inspire you. When you think about it, others inspire us by being who they are, not necessarily doing what they do. We’re the average of the five people we spend the most time with.
Hi Paige,
Another great topic. I can highly benefit from this book, since all my life has been at the service of others. Since I was a little girl, my mom always put me to do all the house work and to serve my 4 brothers. It’s since then that I have always thought that everybody deserves the best part but me. I keep sacrificing my time off, my vacations, and all that I am entitled to, creating a big resentment in my life. If I choose myself there is a guilty feeling that I have a hard time releasing. I know that it has to do with self esteem, and I have to change my belief system as well. I will start practicing the feeding of physical, mental, emotional and spiritual parts in my life.
Thank you
Choosing yourself doesn’t mean that you can’ help others. It’s actually the best way to help others. Without doing this, as you’ve found Marietta, the resentment builds because your True Self knows better. She knows that you deserve it.
That guilty feeling comes from a sense that we won’t be accepted if we don’t appease others first. Being accepted by someone is never in your control. It’s someone else’s choice.
Others may call choosing yourself selfish because they’re too afraid to do it themselves. They’re too afraid of not being accepted. Putting a negative label on it is a way for them to feel better about their own choices. And that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.
In that context, who cares how other people decide to label your actions?
From your comment Marietta, you’re aware of many things that need to shift. That’s the biggest hurdle. You can’t change what you’re not aware of. The next step is to commit to making small, daily changes. Committing means there’s no other option, no way out. The action/choice you commit to is the only way for you. Learn from the results of that choice and make a new choice in every moment.
“Choosing yourself doesn’t mean that you can’ help others. It’s actually the best way to help others.”
Isn’t there an airplane, oxygen mask analogy about this? 😀
Exactly Kathleen! Here is another one: Be the change you want to see in the world –> Be the person you want to inspire others to be.
Hi Paige,
I don’t need a copy of Choose Yourself. I’ve read it and have been following James’ work for a while and love it. His irreverence for “common knowledge” is refreshing. The guy is obviously a genius, a bit quirky, and fun to read. I started using his ideas to create my own Daily Practice almost one year ago and my life has improved drastically. I highly recommend the book.
Dan
Zen Presence – Ideas for Meaningful Living
Thanks Dan! Once I did some research on James, I feel like I must have been living under a rock to have never heard of him. I love the very direct, NYC air about him.
While I didn’t borrow it from James, I’ve created my own Daily Practice that has evolved over the years. I was happy to be able to say “check!” after most of the 26 items he suggests doing on a regular basis to create your own Daily Practice.
I’ve also learned the same lesson that James covers at the beginning of the book – the more you forget about or don’t prioritize your Daily Practice, the more your life goes downhill. And, conversely, the more you prioritize your Daily Practice – every day – the better you feel and the better everything in your life flows.
This email came at such an opportune time……physically, I feel tired ALL the time. Emotionally, I am torn about feelings re: my aging parent…….I plan to try to incorporate some of the suggestions you have given tomorrow….make a list, walk, drink more water are just a few that stand out.
Thanks for the opportunity to have a chance to win this book.
And thank you for your emails.
Best regards,
Sharon
I’m so glad this article and others are helpful for you! Thank you Sharon!
One of the secrets to lasting change and transformation is to take it one baby step at a time. Given where you are now, start small with the few items you listed.
The more you tell yourself, “The world can wait. I need to take some time to work on myself.” the better you’ll feel in every area of your life.