It’s that time of year when you reflect on the past year and ponder what you want to make of the coming year. It’s time to make some big decisions about what you want your life to be like.
Regardless of what you have or haven’t achieved, each day is a new opportunity to change things.
Making decisions about the top one to three goals or intentions you set for yourself can be daunting so many people avoid it. But not you. You’re different. You’re one of those people who defies the odds and moves past a difficult past to create an amazing life.
If you think your circumstances are bad, do a little online search and you’ll find people who have come from situations worse than yours who have turned their lives around. There’s inspiration out there if you look for it.
But how do you know what you should focus on? How do you know what would truly move your life forward?
The process takes a little time, but you’re so worth it.
Find Your Focus
First, consider the areas of your life that aren’t where you would like them to be. Take a moment to rate each of the following areas on a scale of 1 (sucks) to 5 (amazing):
- Relationships
- Social
- Financial
- Career
- Outside interests
- Spiritual
- Physical
- Emotional
- Intellectual
For all the 4’s and 5’s, give yourself a huge hug and celebrate! For the 3’s, consider whether it’s an area you want to work on now or in the future (after you’ve tackled any 1’s and 2’s). Put the 1’s and 2’s on your list to address. That’s where you’ll focus.
In each of the low-ranking areas you’re going to focus on, in a journal write out exactly why you feel that way. Specifically, what’s not going well, and how does that make you feel? Write it all down. Feel the feelings in your body, and write those down. Is there anger or frustration that creates a knot in your gut or chest? Is there sadness and regret that you feel in your heart? Get specific and write it down.
Expressing the specific feelings to yourself not only starts to break apart the blocked emotions but also helps you to see where you need to focus.
Now write your beliefs about those areas of your life. Your beliefs can lock you in a prison to which you already have the key. If you firmly believe that things outside of your control “make” your life the way it is, you’ll have a hard time making changes. If you believe that changing what you can control can change anything in your life, the sky is the limit.
What are your limiting beliefs? What are your empowering beliefs? How do each of these make you feel?
At this point, you may discover that you don’t want to focus on changing things in one of your life areas yet. You may choose to focus on changing your beliefs first.
Change your beliefs, change your life.
Create Your Future
Once you’ve decided where you want to focus, the next step is to fully understand what you want that area of your life to be like. What would make it a 5?
In your journal, write out in excruciating detail what an average day would be like, focusing on that area of your life. Where do you live? What is each room of your home like? What are the sights, smells and feelings of the place? Who do you spend your time with? What do you do in each hour of the day? Where do you go? What do you experience along the way? What do you eat? How do you feel? How do you move your body? And, most importantly, how does all of that make you feel?
Close your eyes and experience the feelings this vision creates for you. Sit with them for a bit.
A very important consideration at this point is whether all you’ve envisioned aligns with your core values. Do you know what your core values are?
Most people don’t ever stop to consider this, but it’s critical to your happiness.
What are the three to five most important things to you in life? These are the kinds of things that won’t change much over a lifetime. If you’re wondering what a ‘core value’ is, do a quick online search for ‘list of core values.’
Examine your life as it is. Write out everything you do each day, who you spend time with, how you spend your money, where you live and anything else you can think of. How does it support your values? How does it run counter to those values?
Go through everything you wrote and cross out what doesn’t support your values and what you wouldn’t want in your happier life. Drop the guilt and obligations and focus on what makes you happy.
Take Action
Nothing in your life will ever change until you take action.
Pick something small about your vision for your future life that you could start doing in the next 24 hours. Everything big and worthwhile happens in baby steps. What’s the first baby step you can take toward your vision – your future?
You could do some online research about a new job, career or vocation. Maybe you could connect with someone who is already doing what you dream of (people are much more accessible than you think). Watch some YouTube videos to learn something new. You can learn just about anything – for free – from YouTube videos and other online resources.
You don’t need to map out the entire path to your new life. Even if you did, it probably wouldn’t turn out the way you planned; and that’s a wonderful thing.
Be open to new opportunities. Be open to things not happening quite the way you expected (after all, expectations are the root of all evil).
If, after you start taking action on the choices you made, you’re not liking the results, simply make a different choice.
Regretting your last decision is living in the past which can’t possibly help you.
Be present to how things are playing out. If things aren’t working, don’t feel like you have to “stick to your guns” for the principle of it, because it might imply that you were wrong or because it might show (to others whose opinions don’t matter) that you lack commitment. That’s just silly. Do what works for you. Do what makes you happy.
Take some time every week or month to check in with yourself and reflect on how things are going. Change what’s not working. Do more of what is.
See the beauty in your new experiences. Be grateful for all the new things you’re learning. If things aren’t working out, be grateful that you’re one step closer to knowing what does work in your life.
If you want your life to be different, only you can make it happen. It’s no one’s fault that you are where you are. No one is going to come in and save you. It’s not anyone’s job to fix your life. It’s up to you and only you.
Create the life you want: Combine the law of attraction with mindfulness
The law of attraction suggests that our positive or negative thoughts bring about positive or negative experiences. My latest book, The Mindful Guide to Law of Attraction, pairs that belief with the powerful practices of mindfulness. Through intentional breathing, writing, and engaging, you’ll hone a method for manifesting health, wealth, and love―the elements of happiness.
Let the law of attraction work for you by adopting its basic steps of identifying and visualizing the things you desire. Then use 45 practical meditation techniques included in the book to achieve awareness. By concentrating your positive energy on obtaining your wants, you’ll give yourself permission to receive them.
To your happiness! ~Paige
You can find this book at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books-A-Million, and Indigo.
The Mindful Living Guide
I love the tips here Paige. A weekly Chek in with myself really can work wonders…. I’ve tried it! Now the challenge is to stay with this habit every week…
This is surely something I need to read.
xoxo,Z~
Thanks Zeenat! I found a journal/planner with weekly check-in pages that helps to keep me on track (Michael Hyatt’s Full Focus Planner).
I love this process, especially looking at each area of your life. Decision making doesn’t come easily for me so having a structure like this helps so much. I think the idea of being open is so important too. It creates the basis for synchronicity to occur.
As with the physical body, every aspect of your life is related. A decision in one area will affect all the others. Thinking holistically like this can help with the decision-making process. And being open keeps us from the expectations that lead to all the negative emotions. Glad you found the structure helpful Sandra!
I totally resonate with your thoughts about being open Paige. We don’t have to know beforehand what the most wonderful outcome is…just that it is wonderful. And as we focus our attention on the wonderful in life, it’s amazing how many wonderful options there really are right in front of our noses.
Definitely going to check out your checklist!
Thanks Elle! As the saying goes: What you focus on grows. There are good and bad ways of seeing everything. It’s our choice which way we see them. My daily gratitude practice has completely changed how I see my life and everything in it. It also transformed my moderate depression to a sense of contentment and happiness on a regular basis.
Thank you for this helpful post, Paige. I especially like the suggestion to check in weekly and notice what is working and what isn’t. Seems so simple, yet I often forget to do this. I just keep plugging away at the same things. It makes so much more sense to double down on what is and drop what isn’t.
I frequently do the same as you, Debbie. Sometimes it takes a process to remind us to be mindful. I’ve been using an awesome planner from Michael Hyatt called the Full Focus Planner that has weekly check-in pages so you don’t forget to do this simple yet powerful step.
Great tips here, Paige. I do agree that once you’ve found some ideas that may work, it is time to take action. That is the critical piece. Thanks!
Taking action used to be my issue. I was known for getting ready to get ready which made me think I was taking action. Unfortunately, it’s only a form of procrastination. At some point, you have to say “enough” to all the preparation and pull the trigger.
I love ‘expectations are the root of all evil’ – I think I’ll make that mry mantra:)
Whenever I’m not happy about something, I pause and ask myself, “What was I expecting?” It’s hard to not have expectations, but we can pause to understand that we’re frequently the cause of our own unhappiness. Thanks Mark!
Totally loving the vibe of this article. I believe that progress results from having a plan for the future and taking action in the present. Besides the short time spent learning lessons from past failure, there’s nothing to be gained from living in the past and questioning old decisions. Move on and keep fighting until your dreams become a reality.
Thank you Brian! It’s the ‘taking action in the present’ that’s so critical to realizing our dreams.
Love this Paige! We can all relate to making tough decisions and just having no idea which way to go. Thank you for your guidance!!
Thanks Jessica! Over time I’ve found that the old “pro’s and con’s” lists are the worst way to make decisions, especially big ones. The info here is a distillation of what I’ve found that works. Glad you found it helpful!
I love the “Enthusiasm of an Entrepreneur” graphic Paige! I can totally relate. Thanks for sharing your knowledge and expertise (and experience). I’m going to download the checklist and take a look. Thanks and happy holidays.
Thanks Victor! So happy to see you here! The items in the checklist have helped me make better decisions in so many circumstances. All the best to you!