We say we want our lives to be better. We wish for things, pray for them, visualize them.
And nothing changes.
We wish, pray, meditate and visualize harder.
Still nothing.
What are we doing wrong?
The Definition of Insanity
Most of us spend much of our time thinking about what’s wrong with our lives.
And then we wait for someone or something outside of ourselves to magically happen in order for us to be happy and life to be good.
We keep doing what we’ve always done, hoping for a change.
Day, months, years fly by and little in our lives changes. We begin to accept that this is “the way life is” and we stop dreaming.
Then we start to spread our misery by telling everyone around us that this is “reality.” Great lives happen to other people. We’ll never be one of those blessed and chosen few.
Cut the Crap
OK. You’re smarter than this. You’re not one of those people anymore.
You know things will get better.
You’re visualizing your future.
You’re reading the books and buying the courses.
You’re telling all your friends that there’s a better way.
And when things don’t go your way, you start blaming your partner, your job, your kids, your finances. “They” are getting in your way of realizing your dream. You dwell on how they’re messing up your life. You commiserate with your friends and family.
You’re right and they’re wrong.
Really?
This used to be me.
I was the holier-than-thou prophet of personal development. I thought I had it all figured out.
I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Giving It Up
I was a control freak. I tried to control most of the people in my life, money, decisions, time and anything else I could think of.
I thought that, if I could control everything, then all my visualizing and thinking would make my wishes come true.
But by trying to control everything, I controlled the life out of most of it and myself.
After years of frustration, I came to an all-time low point in my life.
It was scary as hell because I was finally acknowledging my lack of control. The lack of control that had existed all along that I didn’t want to see.
Along with this, I began to see how I was creating this life I didn’t want. Instead of blaming others for my unhappiness (because I couldn’t control them), I realized that I was doing it to myself by resisting the changes that were necessary inside me.
I realized that I was capable of being different. I didn’t have to fall back on my old excuse of “that’s just the way I am.” I had choices. I could respond differently. I could see things differently. I could create a different reality for myself. It didn’t mean that I had been wrong. It meant that I had options.
And that’s when my life changed for the better.
Find Your New Way
If your life isn’t quite going the way you would like or if it flat-out sucks, know that you have the power to change it.
There are all the incredibly successful people out there who came from dirt who openly tell their stories so that we can close the door on any excuses we may have for why we can’t change our lives.
It’s your choice. Everything is your choice.
How do you do it?
Simple Steps to Create Your Awesome Life
1. Decide what you want.
Stop focusing on what’s wrong with your life. Most people don’t know how to realize their dreams because they don’t even know what their dreams are.
What would your life look like if you were living your dreams? Who would you be with? Where would you live? What would you do every day, all day long?
Yes, lying on the beach drinking margaritas is fun for a while but, at some point, your heart will yearn for more.
What are your passions? What makes your heart sing? What could you do day after day without getting tired of it?
2. Decide that you can have it.
This is a big step that most people miss.
The conscious mind dreams, meditates, prays and visualizes a wonderful life while the subconscious says, “Yeah, right. Get real.”
Instead of glossing over the subconscious with positive thinking, acknowledge it. Have a conversation with it.
This is the source of the fears and resistance that keep us where we are. If we don’t let them have their say, they’ll undermine all of our hard work.
Acknowledge them and find ways for them to work with you on your journey.
3. Know that you’re the only one that’s going to make it happen and you’re the only one who can get in your way.
Blaming is history. What good has it done anyway?
It’s the easy excuse for not taking personal responsibility for our lives.
It gives away our power and freedom to others.
It’s for wimps and slackers. Not for you.
You’re going to make your dreams happen and you’re not going to let anyone or anything stop you. All you have to do is decide that it’s so.
When things go great, pat yourself and all those who supported you on the back.
When things go sideways and south, step back and learn from it then move forward again. Be grateful you learned something new.
4. Do something different.
The definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing and expecting a different result.
With the end result in mind from step one, think backward to where you are now.
What are three little things you can do today, this week, that will move you toward your vision?
Do them. No excuses.
Keep doing something every day.
Be consistent.
Have patience.
Focus.
Nothing awesome happens overnight. It’s the culmination of tons of baby steps.
As you’re taking your baby steps forward, spend some time seeing your life today from the perspective of the you who has already achieved your dreams.
What kind of guidance is that future you giving you?
Listen to that advice. It’s your Higher Self, your intuition, guiding you.
5. Be grateful for all that’s great in your life. Feel good.
Start a gratitude journal. Every day, write at least ten things you’re grateful for and vary the list each day.
Be grateful for your strengths, your weaknesses, the people in your life (even the pains in your ass), the weather, your job (even if you’re working to leave it), the food you eat, your home, car, computer. Everything.
Do things and think things that make you feel good every day.
All that crap in your life that you complain about? Find some way of looking at it in a positive light and genuinely believe it. We’re not talking about sugar-coating the nasty stuff. We’re talking about finding something genuinely good about that stuff and stop labeling it as nasty. Find a label that feels good.
Simply do whatever it takes to see everything in your life in a way that makes you feel good.
If you don’t feel good, none of the other steps will work. Or they will for a while and then your old life will snap back in your face.
Summary:
Feel good.
See and feel your future and talk to your future self.
Know that this vision is your new way of life.
Know that only you can make it happen.
Take daily action and feel good about it. Have fun.
Be grateful.
Feel good.
Create the life you want: Combine the law of attraction with mindfulness
The law of attraction suggests that our positive or negative thoughts bring about positive or negative experiences. My latest book, The Mindful Guide to Law of Attraction, pairs that belief with the powerful practices of mindfulness. Through intentional breathing, writing, and engaging, you’ll hone a method for manifesting health, wealth, and love―the elements of happiness.
Let the law of attraction work for you by adopting its basic steps of identifying and visualizing the things you desire. Then use 45 practical meditation techniques included in the book to achieve awareness. By concentrating your positive energy on obtaining your wants, you’ll give yourself permission to receive them.
To your happiness! ~Paige
You can find this book at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books-A-Million, and Indigo.
Love all the tips here Paige! They DO work. For me personally Staying in that grateful space all the time works beautifully.
xoxo, Z~
Thank you Zeenat! Looking for what’s good and going well and being grateful for it is a habit that has changed my life.
#5 is probably my favourite Paige, whilst I absolutely agree with all you say. I love your practical, down to earth approach that we can all get behind, whatever path we’re walking right now. 🙂
Thank you, Elle! My daily gratitude practice has literally changed my life.
Love this. I always say “to get different results, you have to do something different.” Just ask my children. They are sick of hearing it, but it’s true and works every time! 🙂
Love it, Debbie! The inverse of “do what you’ve always done and you’ll get what you’ve always got.” Change may be scary but nothing changes toward the better without it!
Yes, knowing what you desire changes how you act each day- great tips! xo
If you don’t know what you want or where you’re going, it’s hard to move in the right direction for you. Thanks Suzie!
“Only you can make it happen.” So true and so powerful. I needed these reminders today. Thank you, Paige.
So many people are subconsciously (or consciously) waiting for someone else to make their lives better, but it can only happen if they take the initiative to improve their own lives.
I LOVE this post! Thank you so much for putting SO CLEARLY what’s been rattling around in my brain for the last few weeks. Your words just “clicked” perfectly into place for me! Awesome!
I’m so happy I could help Greg! Let me know if there’s anything else rattling around that I might be able to help with. Thank you!!
As always, you break it all down so well and make it sound easy. And the beauty of it all is – it IS easy. Most times, it is the will to want to make the change. People are too comfortable about wallowing in misery. Ugh.
One of my favorites is the gratitude list. I find that it always uplifts me even as I start writing it. Old practice. (Thank you, Mom.)
I also believe that everything is possible. 🙂 Loved this post. Thank you, Paige!
Thank you Vidya! I have to agree with you on the gratitude list and that anything is possible. The decision to make it happen is the biggest hurdle. You’re always an inspiration!
You said two words there that resonated with me more than the whole article, being consistent is so important. To keep trying, even those things that have failed a few times, Just because they don’t work the first time doesn’t mean it doesnt’ work. If it doesn’t work the 10th time then a new approach is in order.
Also what you said early on about letting go, even that process of letting go can suddenly allow amazing things to flow in because the resistance has stopped.
Lovely article Paige! 🙂
Thanks Amit!
So many people give up too soon because miracles didn’t happen overnight. Real success takes time, consistency and persistance. And letting go of resistance lets all kinds of great things flow into our lives.
Deciding what you want and deciding you can have it are powerful steps.
They sound so simple, and yet if we don’t believe we can have it, we don’t do what we can to make it happen.
Exactly J.D.! Many people are intimidated by all the steps they’ll have to take to make the changes they say they want. This feeling of intimidation frequently short-circuits the first step of deciding to change. Those first simple (but not easy) steps of deciding and believing are the biggest steps of all. Thanks for your comment!
Oh my gosh–you’re me! Or I’m you! You have described my life and the changes I made exactly. Great post and you tell it like it is. Love the directness–cut the crap! Ha, that was great!
Great minds think alike Galen! 🙂 That’s awesome that you’ve made those changes! For so many people, it seems to be difficult to simply get started. I think that, once we decide to commit to the process of change, it gets a little easier to move forward. Thanks so much for your comment!
Hi Paige! I came across your site from Scott Dinsmore’s page on Warren Buffett. I gotta say, I LOVE THIS POST! It was almost like you were telling my story from back in the day : ) All 5 of these steps will work if – the key is to really do them.
“It’s the culmination of tons of baby steps.” I love that… You know, the Grand Canyon is the result of tons of baby steps too..
Glad I found your blog.
Cezar
I’m so glad you found me too, Cezar! Scott has some amazing information. From the way you wrote your comment, it seems that you’ve realized your dreams and live them now. That’s so awesome!!
Everything happens in baby steps. We may not realize how far we’ve come without reflecting on our progress every now and then. When I get a little discouraged about what I haven’t achieved yet, I like to think about what I’ve already done in a fairly short time. It gets me feeling better and pumped about moving forward again.
Welcome!!
Hi Paige,
I love this post. It should be talk in elementary school! Thanks for a great reminder. I’ve had a few computer problems and camera problems. I’m getting over my ‘poor me’ that I slipped into a few minutes ago;) xo
Thanks Tess! Glad you got past your technical issues. As the Master of Bold & Fearless Living, I know you can’t stay in “poor me” mode for long.
I’m hoping to spread the word that anything is possible to as many people as possible, starting with little kids (especially my own). Society can impose many limitations on us, but only if we choose to accept them. The first step is to see those limitations which generally appear in the form of expectations. Then we need to question them and ask if they’re right for us. More ways that mindfulness can transform our lives.
Wonderful post and very insightful – love the way you have the Summary at the end!
I’m with you and living in this manner – it’s a beautiful life when you do – I am also writing a post entitled, “That’s just the way I am.”……excuses we give ourselves for not changing.
In love and light,
Nancy
Thank you so much Nancy! Can’t wait to read your new post. Reading “that’s just the way I am” brings back flashbacks of many arguments with my husband where that was my defensive response. I could be right and it was something he couldn’t argue with but it kept me stuck where I was, which wasn’t a good place. Once I allowed myself to accept that I didn’t like “just the way I am,” that stuck feeling shifted and I allowed a better life to flow through me.
Big Hugs!
“If your life isn’t quite going the way you would like or if it flat-out sucks, know that you have the power to change it.”
This reminded me of the spin-off to the Kung Fu Panda, Kung Fu Panda: Secrets of the Masters . The three eventual mebers of Masters’ Council in Gongmen City were able to turn their lives around by deciding they wanted change.
Being the parent of three small kids, I watch a lot of kids’ movies like Kung Fu Panda (I actually watched it again with my kids a couple nights ago). While the stories are always fun, most of them teach wonderful lessons like this. It took me watching some of these kids’ movies a few times before I realized how powerful the positive messages really are.
Thank you, Martin, for reminding me of this!
“There are all the incredibly successful people out there who came from dirt who openly tell their stories so that we can close the door on any excuses we may have for why we can’t change our lives.” Amen to that!
Love this post!
“Know that you’re the only one that’s going to make it happen and you’re the only one who can get in your way.”
It’s important to stand up against our own excuses and old habits in order to really break through once and for all.
I think of Louise Hay and her “totality of possibilities” and “over 250 ways to do dishes” it may sound too simple, but there really are endless ways to do something, and endless possibilities even when we can’t see them – they are always there.
Love your 5 steps 🙂
Thanks Aileen! I’ve had so many opportunities presented to me in my life for which I’ve come up with excuses why they won’t work for me or why I couldn’t do them because of my circumstances. And then I would read of someone or meet someone who dealt with very similar or worse circumstances and figured out how to get around them to become amazingly successful. This made me see my own resistance to change and helped me to melt it away.
I love Louise Hay and have to agree that there are as many ways to do something as there are people. We all simply have to find our own way and know that we can achieve whatever we desire.
This is such a powerful post, Paige! I felt it in my gut! Thank you – so much of this is just what I needed to hear. I love the no nonsense approach. You’re inspiring me to go for it – take responsibility – get out there and just do it! 🙂
I’m so glad I can help, Jodi! Deciding to just do it seems to be the hardest part. Once we decide and know that it’s possible, the rest just flows.
You’ve got some pretty inspirational things on your site that I love too! Thank you!!
Ah, once again you are putting words to the thoughts inside of me. In my morning meditations, I’ve been focusing on what it is I want to FEEL. And then – wow, I notice that in many points of the day i’m already feeling it! We’re not so far from where we want to be after all. It’s all about what we are focusing our energy on.
Once again beautiful and informative writing! Thanks!
Thanks Sarah! I would have to agree with you that most of us are much closer to where we want to be than we realize. We think things are so far out of our reach when we focus on what we don’t have yet. When we focus on what we have and what we’re grateful for, the feeling of the overall image of our lives totally changes. I’m so glad you’re already where you want to be and you’re feeling it!
Paige,
This is a wonderful post! I’m looking forward to doing things different over the summer. And I love your steps! I need to something different to change the craziness lately. (I love your definition of insanity by the way.)
Thank you for somehow always writing what I need to hear!!
Thanks Betsy! It’s amazing how we’re so often on the same wavelength. And how is it that the craziness creeps up on us so often?!?! That’s one of those things I’m working to let go of. Thanks for being here!