Do any of these statements sound familiar?
I’m not smart enough to do what they do. I’m too old to start over. I’m too young to be able to do that.
People don’t love me because I’m fat. I never get promotions because I’m too stupid. Everyone else gets great opportunities but me.
These are the words of the monkey mind that swirl in your head, keeping you from making your life a little better or – gasp! – following your dreams.
Your monkey mind subconscious has gathered the evidence and gotten you to believe that these are undeniable truths. You’ve seen the story played out over and over in your life so how could things be any other way?
Beliefs Are a Lens
The first step down the road of the “other way” is to realize that these are beliefs, in this case, limiting beliefs. These are in no way “truths.”
“If you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.” ~Henry Ford
It’s funny how truths have a way of changing over time as the evidence against them mounts. Remember when people were burned at the stake for believing that the world was round? The truth was that the world was flat.
Or, not all that long ago, when doctors professed that smoking was good for you? And they told you that low fat, high carb diets would somehow help you to get healthier while this has led to the largest epidemic of diabetes and heart disease in history?
Whatever you believe to be true only seems that way because your subconscious mind goes out of its way to find evidence to support those ingrained beliefs. At the same time, it actively avoids or tries to disprove any evidence to the contrary.
Your beliefs are the colored glasses through which you see the world. You interpret everything around you through those lenses.
If I told you that you were beautiful, you could agree (if you believed yourself to be beautiful) or think I was nuts (if you believed yourself to be ugly).
But if I told you that your skin was purple, it’s highly likely that you’d think that I was simply nuts because you know that your skin isn’t purple.
In what areas of your life are your beliefs holding you back?
Financially: I’ll never get ahead. Rich people suck. I’ll never get out of debt. I’m not one of “those people.” Money doesn’t grow on trees.
Relationships: I’m not loveable. I’m ugly. I can’t maintain a relationship. I’m not the kind of person who can commit. I can’t find my perfect match. Most marriages end in divorce so why try?
Physically: Diets don’t work for me. God meant for me to be fat. Skinny people are shallow. My body wasn’t made for all that exercise. Eating healthy is too much work.
Emotionally: I’m just flighty. I’m moody. It’s not safe for me to show my emotions. The healthiest way to deal with emotions is to let them all out as soon as they come up. I don’t have emotions.
Mentally: I’m not smart enough to get ahead. Only smart people can do great things. If you’re too smart, people won’t like you. Going back to school is the only way to gain more knowledge.
What’s your payoff for clinging to those limiting beliefs? Is it easier to play the victim and say, “That’s just the way it is.” Do you feel like you’ll get your head chopped off if you stick out your neck and try to change?
Your subconscious mind is the Master Ruler of Your Universe. You may think you have a sharp logical/conscious mind (and that may be true), but it’s your subconscious that runs the show.
Think about how hard it is to change an ingrained habit or seemingly perpetual thought process. Your conscious mind may think about making changes but your subconscious, where the habits have been etched, will keep pulling you into the same rut.
Not that it’s hopeless. You CAN change your beliefs. And when you change your beliefs, your thoughts will change which will cause your actions to change. Different actions lead to different results.
Simple Steps
- Choose the area of your life where you want to make a change. What area would make the biggest impact on your life?
- Write down all of your beliefs in that area. Think back to your childhood and what you picked up as a child from your parents, friends, teachers and others who had an impact in your formative years. What did you observe and hear repeatedly?
- Decide what core belief you want to change. Only choose one. Of all the beliefs you wrote down in step 2, which one would have the biggest impact on your life if you changed it to something more positive?
- Write down why it’s so important for you to change this belief. Until your reason to change is stronger than your reason to stay the same, it’s fruitless to fool yourself into thinking you can change such strongly held beliefs. How has it damaged you in the past and what’s possible in your future if you make the change? Without a “why” that matters deeply to you, any change is short-lived.
- Argue with this belief. Pretend that a friend holds this belief and you can’t believe they could be so dumb as to believe this. Show them all the evidence to the contrary. Show them how damaging this belief has been. Whenever they defend their belief, come up with more reasons why it’s false.
- Create a new, positive, more empowering belief. It will probably be the opposite of the belief you’re trying to change.
- Visualize your life in detail when you’ve changed your old belief into the new one. What’s now possible for you? Now that you’ve taken down the old perceived walls, where will you go and what do you see yourself doing? How do you feel now that you’re living the life you previously thought impossible?
- Every day, as you wake up, as you go to sleep and as often during the day as you can, repeat your new belief (preferably out loud) and feel the feelings you experienced in step 7. Feeling those new feelings on a regular basis is one of the most important aspects of this change process.
- Every day, at the end of the day, write down one to three things, large or small, that you will do the following day to disprove the old belief and reinforce the new belief and move you closer to the life you envisioned in step 7.
- The next day, do what you wrote down the night before as soon as you can. Action is incredibly powerful. Ideas, thoughts, and beliefs can swim around in your head creating havoc or heaven. Nothing will reinforce what you’re capable of more powerfully than taking action.
Go online and find other people already doing what you yearn to do but think is impossible. Send one or two of those people an email asking them how you might be able to help them. If they respond, awesome! Keep the conversation going. If you never hear from them, try someone else. Don’t take anything personally.
Learn a new skill by finding videos on YouTube and information all over the web. There are tons of free online courses. Sign up for one. You don’t even have to make the trek to the library anymore. Anything you want to learn is online and free.
How I Banished an Old Belief
Before I started this blog, I lived my entire life believing that I couldn’t write. When I was little, I wrote horrible poems and a story or two. My brother and I would laugh hysterically at how bad they were (he was a much better writer).
I spent my life in accounting and finance, far removed from anything personally creative.
In my mid to late 30’s I got tired of repeating negative patterns and having a life and relationships that I wasn’t happy with. So I started down a path of personal development and found that when I changed, my world and my life changed.
I wanted to share this with as many people as I could so I started a blog. I was scared. I knew absolutely nothing about writing or websites or anything else online. And there was that old belief that I couldn’t write.
But I did it anyway. My “why” to help as many others as I could was more powerful than my old belief that told me I couldn’t do it.
I tried to hire someone to do everything for me but didn’t have the budget for it. So I took baby steps every day. I got online and read other blogs. I learned how to set up a website. Every time I hit a bump, I did some online research and figured it out.
And I wrote. Looking back, my initial writing was pretty bad, but I read about how to be a better writer and implemented what I read. I still do.
Then one day someone I admire told me that I was a “good writer.” It took me aback. Not only had she told me that I was a “writer,” but that I was “good” too.
That was the moment when I realized that I could really do this. I dove in deeper and worked harder (although I could hardly call it work since I love what I do). I’m constantly learning and changing and I love the process.
In taking regular action, I changed a long-held belief about myself. I thought about how many people I could help if I just kept taking action and moving forward (my big “why”).
What belief has been holding you back? Why is it important for you to change it? What’s possible for you when you do?