What would I be afraid of if I didn’t have a past? – Deepak Chopra
When I read that question, it hit me right between the eyes. It stripped away all the stories and big, scary things that go bump in the night that we dream up that create all of our fears.
It’s also the reason that most little kids are so fearless. They haven’t had the time or inclination to create internal stories that make them fear change, rejection, failure, intimacy, embarrassment, abandonment, loss, the unknown, being judged, being alone, losing control, expressing their true feelings, and so many other things that we’ve mistakenly allowed to strike fear in our hearts.
The answer to the question is that we would be afraid of almost nothing.
Fear Keeps Us Playing Small
Fear is the defense mechanism that we create when we’ve experienced something we define as negative in our past. We didn’t like it and we’re going to do whatever we can to ensure that it doesn’t happen again.
When we do this, we shut our hearts and minds to all kinds of experiences because, through our fear-tainted glasses, these experiences look kind of like something from our past. We try to control our environment and the people in it in our attempt to avoid the things we fear.
Unfortunately, this doesn’t work. There’s very little that we can control. This approach also limits our ability to enjoy our amazing lives to the fullest.
As long as we’re protecting ourselves from the demons “out there” while changing nothing inside of us, we will always live in fear, regardless of our outside experiences. We will further reinforce the walls we’ve built around us.
To begin the work of lessening our fears, we must work on the demons “in here,” in our minds.
Loosening the Grip of Fear
There are many kinds of fears:
- Fears we can’t explain like phobias
- Fears that we keep with us due to past experiences (being rejected, abandoned or hurt)
- Fears of a future that we wouldn’t want (worry)
- Fears of what others may think of us (fears of success and failure)
As much as we would like to wave our magic wand and make them go away, we know it’s not that easy. Although, with regard to phobias, I have seen the elimination of these kinds of fears happen that quickly with EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). Crazy but true.
Sometimes we can feel the fear and do it anyway. This is one way to face our fears and strip them of some of the power they’ve had over us.
Or we can take a different approach and realize that we are not our fears. We are not any of our emotions.
Simple Steps – Exercise A
Fears and other emotions come and go, like clouds floating across a beautiful blue sky. Know that you are the blue sky – brilliant and unchanging. The clouds come and go and have nothing to do with the blue in the background.
The next time you feel a fear well up inside you, slow down and notice it without judging it. Observe it in the same way you watch clouds – with curiosity.
Take some time to quiet your mind, perhaps in meditation, and see your fear as another being. What does it look like? What does its voice sound like?
Ask your fear why it’s there. Usually, it will tell you that it’s there to protect you. Question that response.
What is it really trying to protect you from? Repeating past mistakes? Making a new mistake? Public ridicule?
Challenge the fear by asking: What’s the worst thing that could happen?
Again the fear (your ego or monkey mind) will dream up all kinds of creative answers. Know that if the answer isn’t your imminent death, it’s not that bad. Really.
I’ve lived through many of my worst case scenarios and, while they might have been quite painful, I learned a great deal from all of them and am now grateful for them.
Every event in life has two possible outcomes: It’s either positive or it brings up something you need to learn in order to create something positive.
See your fears as an opportunity for you to create something amazing in your life.
Simple Steps – Exercise B
When you realize that you’re acting from fear or telling yourself stories about the future that create negative feelings, simply notice what you’re doing and thinking, without judging yourself or getting caught up in yet another round of stories.
Simply observe yourself. Notice your breathing. Watch your behavior. Hear your tone of voice. Feel your body.
Then ask yourself, “Who is observing all this?”
That is your authentic self, your Higher Self, the real you that exists outside of and independent of your fear.
Shift the center of identity to your authentic self. From that place you can detach from the fear without it consuming you. The fear is only a cloud floating past your deep, blue sky.
By allowing the fear to simply be, to accept it fully, you allow the fear to dissipate.
Don’t Play The Game
We will never remove all fears from our lives. As long as we carry our ego or monkey mind along for the ride, it will always be there to keep us “safe” from all kinds of things that don’t exist. Our ego’s best trick is to use fear to keep us from moving forward and growing.
You are not your ego or your mind and you know that whatever that crazy monkey tells you is simply a story it made up. Isn’t it time you re-wrote those stories so they support you?
What kind of crazy stories have you been listening to that have kept you from following your heart? How can you re-write them?