“I’m going to lose it on the next person who asks me to do something!”
That’s what’s going through your mind as projects and deadlines at work are growing, friends and family all seem to be asking for “one little thing” all at the same time, things around the house are screaming for your attention, the kids need your help and time and so does your spouse.
You’re only one person and you can only handle so much before you blow.
Feeling overwhelmed sucks but it seems to creep up on you all too often.
You hate this feeling and wish you could find a way to manage things so they didn’t get to this point.
You can.
Stop Living In the Future
Your stress and blood pressure build as you think about everything that you need to accomplish. Too much to do and too little time.
This is what happens when you’re living in the future. You think and stress about all the things that need to be done in the future.
Fears of not being able to get it all done and disappointing others plague you.
Know that this is your not-so-friendly monkey mind doing its thing again – painting all kinds of scary what-if’s in your head that, in reality, aren’t so bad and are very unlikely to happen. But he doesn’t want you to know that so he keeps pelting you with things to fear.
Thanks to your monkey mind’s inability to be in the present moment, you’re drowning in the future.
Worrying and stressing about future events doesn’t get them done. It diverts energy and focus from what’s happening in the present moment, impeding your ability to get things done.
By simply noticing that your monkey mind has momentarily taken over, you can regain control and bring things back to the present moment.
What’s Here and Now
In the present moment, there’s only what’s in front of you – right here, right now.
There are no future calamities for things not getting done. There’s no lack of time.
By bringing your awareness back to the present moment, you realize that you’re doing the best you can under the current circumstances.
You can only do one thing at a time and, eventually, everything worthwhile will get done.
Drop the Judgments
Being mindful means bringing your awareness back to the present moment and not judging anything.
Don’t judge yourself negatively for not being a superhero. You’re human and you’re doing the best you can. And that’s good enough.
Don’t judge others for how they act or what they say. They’re dealing with things in their own lives that have nothing to do with you.
Everything simply is what it is. You can choose how to respond.
Making New Choices
You’re not a superhero and you can’t do everything all at once, no matter how hard you try. Deal with it.
Knowing that, make different choices going forward.
If someone makes a request and you know you can’t help them, let them know. It’s okay to say no. If you can help them later, when things calm down, tell them. It’s not your problem if that won’t work for them. It’s not your job to make them happy.
If your boss piles one more thing on your plate and you feel that you can’t say no, ask them to prioritize things for you. Let them know that you already have too much on your plate and you want to do things well so you need their help.
No One Is Perfect
We’re all doing the best we can. Floating through life with no stress is almost impossible.
Even after you know how to keep things at a manageable level, things will slowly, imperceptibly, get out of hand again and you’ll find yourself repeating the quote at the beginning of this post.
Remember: No judgments. Shit happens.
Simply follow the steps below to move back to your happy place.
Simple Steps
The next time you find yourself completely overwhelmed by all that life has thrown at you:
1. Close your eyes and breathe.
– Stop what you’re doing.
– Close your eyes and take at least three deep breaths.
– Focus on the air going in through your nose and out through your nose or mouth.
– Relax your jaw, face, neck, shoulders, and arms.
– Slowly say to yourself, “Be here now.”
2. Focus on what’s in front of you right now and finish it.
– Now that you’re feeling a bit more relaxed, finish the one thing you’re working on right now.
– Don’t do anything else. No phone calls, emails or other distractions. No multi-tasking.
– Do the one thing, and only that thing, until it’s done, if at all possible.
3. Make a list of everything else and either prioritize it, delegate it or say no.
– Write down all the other things swimming around in your head.
– Write as much detail as you can about each item so you have nothing left in your head that you’ll need to remember. It will all be on that list for you to refer back to.
– Review each item on the list and decide if you really need to do it. Can you ask someone else to handle it? Does it really need to be done at all?
– Prioritize all the things that you have to do. Ask yourself if you’re working against deadlines that you made up for yourself (give yourself some slack) or do they belong to someone else (ask for an extension).
– When you’re done, you’ll have an organized list with everything you need to do and when it needs to get done.
4. Take a break.
– Take a walk. Get a cup of coffee or tea and do nothing while you sip it. Go outside and stretch your body. Go to an exercise class. Play in a park. Do anything that removes you from the place that creates stress for you. Move your body. Clear your mind. Have fun!
5. Do the next thing on your list with as little distraction as possible.
– Tell those around you that you need some private time.
– Go to a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed.
– Turn off your email and any web pages that you don’t need to complete your current task.
– Only work on one thing at a time until it’s done.
– Take a break, then move to the next thing.
6. Say no to any other requests until you can comfortably include them on your prioritized list.
– Let people know you’re maxed out right now and to be patient.
– Know that the world won’t end if you say no. While you expect the worst, others will actually respect you more by drawing boundaries for yourself and saying no when you need to.
If you have other ways of handling overwhelm, I would love to hear about them! Please leave a comment describing what works for you.
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To your happiness! ~Paige
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The Mindful Living Guide
I like the suggestion to stop for a few moments and breathe. Although it may seem counterintuitive, it always helps me to stop. All these tips are excellent. As someone who easily goes into overwhelm, I appreciate having them spelled out.
It’s usually in those states of overwhelm that we lack the ability to think clearly. I agree with you that having the steps laid out is very helpful. Thanks Sandra!
I had to learn to do number 5 Paige…as I slowly discovered all my stress was self-inflicted by what the stories in my mind. Once I separated them from me…it made life a whole lot easier. “-)
That monkey mind can be so powerful – until you see it for what it is, watch its fearful chatter and then ignore it to listen to your True Self.
Boy! I had to use all of these yesterday – especially just coming back into the present slowing my breath, and prioritizing one task at a time. I often use the zoom out year in the future method to put things in perspective. It’s the only tie you want to live in the future! 🙂
Yes, thinking about your future self vs. thinking about the future is an important caveat. What impact do today’s choices have on your future self?
This is very informative, as I still struggle from time to time in maintaining a healthy balance between school, work, family, and side jobs- thanks for the insight!
When I’m feeling overwhelmed is when I’m most likely to go on a major decluttering spree – I think it gives me the feeling of control again.
The 1,3,5,10-years method is really good. I’ve used it for a while and will get back into it starting today. I remember that it helped me a lot, don’t know why I forgot about it…
I wish you a relaxed day without overwhelm 🙂
Yes! Thank you so much for your answer, Paige. It’s beautiful and it helps a lot.
Most of the deadlines I don’t meet are ones that I’ve given myself in the first place. But breaking promises to myself isn’t easy either. I’ve changed the launch date of my blog 3 times and I always felt so guilty. Turned out that nobody cared except for me. Sometimes we stress over delaying something for a few weeks when in the end it doesn’t really matter.
You’re right, life is about the connections and experiences we have. To me, life is about joy. That’s why I started Bright Little Socks, because I want to help others enjoy their lives. But you’re right, I need to take care of myself first before I can help others.
Thanks so much for the gentle reminder and encouragement to live like I mean it. 🙂
Oh Iris. That sounds exactly like someone I know! (Hint: that someone is typing this comment right now!) I follow the “Will this really matter one, five or ten years from now?” method and find that it won’t matter even one hour from now, sometimes. SIgh.
Paige – thanks. You always inspire me.
Thanks for this beautiful post. I tend to feel overwhelmed every few weeks, mostly because I live in the future and think that I need to get more done. Thoughts like “I’m still not there and I need to reach my goal so badly…” or “I know I could have done better. I need to do more, everyone else is capable of doing more than I am.” run through my mind all the time. I know that it’s important to live in the presence and to acknowledge your successes and improvements and know that you are enough just as you are. But still, on an emotional level I think I’m just starting to understand it. Any tips?
I know exactly how you feel Iris. I constantly work with my monkey mind’s ideas of what I should do, be and accomplish. I used to totally beat myself up about all that I hadn’t done yet. Then I realized that most of the “deadlines” that I didn’t meet were self-imposed. And life is meant to be lived and enjoyed, not stressed over.
I like asking myself the question: Will this really matter one, five or ten years from now? On the one hand, we can say that little things don’t matter. On the other hand, life is pretty much all little things that add up to big things.
Comparing yourself to others is always a futile race. Everyone is running their own race on their own path. If you run their race, who knows where you’ll end up. Be intentional about where you’re going and only compare yourself to how you were yesterday.
In the grand scheme of life, what matters are relationships and experiences. As you race through the “not enough’s,” consider whether your daily actions are also supporting or ignoring those relationships and experiences.
My kids are great reminders of this when I’m glued to my computer trying to get one more thing done. They’ll pull on my arm and demand my attention. I’ve learned that it’s best for everyone to stop what I’m doing immediately (not 2 more minutes) and focus completely on them. It doesn’t take too many “2 more minutes” for them to see and feel that I’m putting them second after my computer work.
Living in the mountains and being so close to the change of the seasons is a great reminder of the passing of time. Just yesterday I was noticing that most of the aspen leaves have fallen from the trees already. I thought, “Wait a minute! It’s not time for that to happen yet!” Time slips by so quickly in our busy-ness and we forget to stop and enjoy the beauty around us.
While we all want to achieve great things in life and help others, we need to take care of ourselves first and take time every day to stop and breathe and do nothing but enjoy where we are right now.
There seems to be a big thing right now about the concept of having too much on our plate or not having enough time to focus on accomplishing our goals. I believe the key is just to focus on our biggest priority and work downwards from there. Well. that is what is working for me but it’s so hard neglecting other areas.
I suppose it is all about balance.
Ah, balance. The other illusory thing we all chase. Yes, it always sounds so simple to focus on the most important thing and maintain balance. But, like you said, it’s hard to neglect the “everything else” in our lives.
Most of us are so programmed to please others (it’s what school and jobs teach us). Keeping others happy can only fry us while we don’t take the time to establish balance and focus on what’s important to use (i.e. pleasing ourselves first).
Jamie – I’m so happy that you found a way to focus on your biggest priority without much distraction. That’s truly a feat in itself!
Hi Paige,
My overwhelm has been tested over the past week with continuous computer issues.
I am focusing on what is in front of me and remembering to take a break.
Thanks for the reminder.
Priska,
I must say that I’ve had more than my fair share of computer issues and they can drive me nuts. I feel for you! Deep breathing and breaks seem to work best for me in those situations (even though I may feel like throwing the computer out the window). 🙂
Big Hugs!
Hi Paige,
This is really good stuff. I especially like #s 1 and 2. I find that just taking even one deep breath serves to center me quite well. And I’ve been just recently learning to just “do what’s in front of me” now rather than getting overwhelmed.
Breathing and focusing are ways to get us back into the present moment where the “what if’s” and worries of the future and regrets of the past can’t exist. It’s a pretty peaceful place to be.
Your post on how to stop worrying is a great one! It’s a great pairing to this article on overwhelm. Overwhelm is basically worrying about not getting everything done some time in the future. It can get the best of us, no matter how much we practice keeping things in check.
Thanks so much Bobbi!
You’re always so right on and calm with the steps you give out to go within and access our own inner peace and mindfulness Paige! And that’s doubly impressive knowing them myriad of responsibilities and distractions you deal with on a daily basis. You are such an inspiration. I’ve been struggling to tame my tendency to multi-task! AS a lifelong busy-ness addict, this is hard. If I have to wait for a page to load, I always want to click over to another tab, or pick up another task. Deep down I know that I will access a much deeper level of productivity if I can slow down enough to just focus on one task at a time. But old habits sure die hard..Getting better day by day!
I especially can salute Step #4 – Take a Break. This is one thing I’ve definitely improved with. It helps that I’m living with a dog right now. There’s someone else around encouraging me to get outside and breathe in some fresh air. It certainly works wonders!
Now to get back to making that list….
Sarah,
We’re alike in all too many ways. When I start to multi-task, I gently remind myself to practice what I preach which has me take a deep breath and focus on only one thing. I’m so much more effective at that one thing, I’m more relaxed and things seem to get done much faster.
Given my ability to maintain calm, people who have worked with me for some time know that things must be completely out of hand when I start to get flustered. It’s been like that lately but I know that this, too, shall pass.
I certainly appreciate your guidance and inspiration as I make my way through all the changes that we experience this time in our lives.
Big Hugs!!
I like the six tips. I am going through some major overwhelm right now because of a messy no.6 – inability to say No. 😀 I am tackling it with lists. The moment I make a list of priorities – I feel as though I’ve released at least 50% of my stress.
As always, you hit the right spots! 😀
Hugs!
Dear Vidya,
You always know exactly what to do. It’s just a matter of doing it. Listing out and remembering priorities and values makes all of our choices so much easier and less stressful.
Big Hugs!!