How easy is it for you to be completely yourself around other people? How much do you censor yourself based on who you’re around?
Can you honestly say that you speak, act, dress and think as your True Self around anyone? Or do you tweak yourself in order to be accepted by those you’re around? A little tweaking for friends and family and a lot of tweaking at work maybe?
In my quest to live a happy and passionate life, I’ve been much more mindful of how much I hide or expose my True Self in different circumstances. What I’ve noticed is a bit surprising.
The Importance of Values & Beliefs
As humans, it’s our nature to want to be accepted by our tribe. Hundreds of years ago, our lives depended on it. We’re wired with this need.
I recently watched a very powerful video of Simon Sinek giving a talk on how groups, companies, communities, and countries (i.e. groups of people) build a sense of connection and trust based on their values and beliefs and how significantly this affects our lives.
It can be difficult when the people we’re around don’t share the same values and beliefs as ours. If there are more of “them” (those with different values and beliefs) than “us” (those who share our values and beliefs), we tend to hide our own values and beliefs and pretend to honor theirs in order to be accepted. And this never feels good.
We look for people like us, people we feel we can create a connection with, people with whom we can be authentic. The deeper the connection, the more we can usually trust others. Depending on how alien our environment is, it may take very little to create that connection.
For example, if you were at a biker rally, you would probably seek out people who own the same type of bike as you. The fact that almost everyone there was American wouldn’t enter your mind. But if you and one other stranger were the only Americans in a crowded room of Russians, the fact that you were American would give you enough of a reason to create a connection.
Values and Beliefs At Work
When (smart) people create companies, they instill values and beliefs into “who” the company is. Then they hopefully hire people who share those same values and beliefs. While companies are legally separate entities and we talk about them as such, they’re basically groups of people working together toward common goals.
When we work for companies or clients, we’re naturally drawn to those groups of people who look and act like us – those who share our values and beliefs.
Many of us take jobs out of fear of lack of money and end up working for a company (group of people) with different values and beliefs. In order to be accepted by this group, we hide our True Selves and pretend to be like “them.” And we wonder why we’re not happy working there.
I once worked for a company for many years where my flexible and open-minded nature was rewarded. My values and beliefs were in alignment with those established by the owners of the company. I love to question why things are done a certain way (question the status quo) and look for ways to improve.
When this smaller company was sold to a very large, very structured company, my values and beliefs were no longer in synch with the way the new leaders wanted to manage the company. I was being reprimanded for things that got me ahead in the past. My job was now rigidly defined by others with little flexibility. I felt that my ability to help others had been almost completely eliminated. After eight years of excitement, I suddenly hated my job.
People Want to Help Others
This brings me to another essential human quality that is frequently overlooked in our society and in how most companies are structured.
People want to help other people.
Hundreds and thousands of years ago, our lives depended on helping each other and expecting nothing in return. We contributed to the benefit of the group because we knew that a healthy group would benefit and support us.
Many of us volunteer for various groups and organizations because it feels good to help others. We like to help friends and strangers because it usually feels like the right thing to do.
One of the best forms of therapy for people with depression is to have them help others.
Many people feel unfulfilled in their jobs because they can’t see how what they’re doing helps anyone. They can’t see the purpose for what they do. If there’s no perceived benefit or purpose, then what’s the point?
Work On Your Strengths
We feel even better about helping others when we can share our strengths with them.
We all have strengths and weaknesses. Society teaches us that we should constantly try to “fix ourselves” and turn our weaknesses into strengths. I think this is a huge waste of time and energy and a massive source of frustration.
In our groups, communities, companies, tribes and clans, we work together using our strengths to our best abilities. We look for others who are strong where we are weak and we work together to create a strong group.
When we use our strengths to help others, we feel great which encourages us to do more and improve our strengths. For example, if you’re a great writer and your writing helps to convey the benefits of working with your group to others effectively, you’ll want to hone your skills and consistently improve your writing. You know that you can help your group and your clients by improving something you’re good at and something you love to do. Win-win-win!
If you’re a great writer but your boss thinks that you need to improve your accounting skills (something you suck at), you’ll be unhappy because you’ll spend time focusing on something you hate. You won’t have much time or energy to share your amazing writing skills with your group. The group and potential clients won’t benefit from your strengths as a writer. You and your boss will experience frequent frustration because you’ll never be an accounting whiz. Lose-lose-lose.
Simple Steps for Businesses To Be Happy and Successful
Create a strong culture inside your company with your employees and outside your company with your customers and vendors. Stand by your values and beliefs and don’t try to please everyone. Please your tribe by being authentic. You won’t have to work hard to keep them around.
Only hire people and work with clients who support your values and beliefs. This keeps your tribe and business strong.
Show the people in your company how what they do matters, how it helps others inside and/or outside of the company, how it contributes to the overall mission of the company.
Support members of your group as they help others inside and outside of their jobs. Allow time off for volunteer activities. Ensure that compensation structures encourage employees to work together instead of competing against each other.
Simple Steps for All of Us To Be Happy and Successful
To be both happy and successful in life and in business, be your True Self and connect with others who share your values and beliefs. If others can’t accept you as you are, find other people to be around.
Help others. Help friends, family, and strangers. Help the people you work with. Help your competitors. And don’t expect anything in return.
Share your strengths with the world and find others to compensate for your weaknesses. You’ll find other amazing people in your search and together, you can accomplish anything that you can imagine.
Be bold. Be your amazing self and stop thinking about what other people think.
If you would like assistance with incorporating these concepts into your life and/or your company, I would love to help. I have over 30 years of experience working with entrepreneurs and companies from startup to $100 million in revenues. I’ve seen and experienced what works and what doesn’t. Check out my MindfulCFO.com site for more on how I can help.
Contact me at Paige [at] PaigeOldham.com to see how we can work together to create more happiness and success in your life and your business.