Before I knew my purpose, I was a people-pleaser, trying to make everyone happy (no, that wasn’t my purpose). Unfortunately, I couldn’t make everyone happy, and I was exhausted and depressed most of the time, making myself unhappy in the process.
In a fit of frustration, I put a pause on the people-pleasing with the thought: “I need to work on me. Everyone can pretend I’m not here for a while.” And everything went on like it always had. Nothing fell apart because I wasn’t there to try to make everyone happy. Funny how that works.
I took the time to think about what I enjoyed, what fed my heart. I journaled about what I was good at and what I enjoyed – the intersection of which is usually an indicator of purpose.
Your purpose isn’t something that jumps out one day to reveal itself after you’ve searched long and hard enough.
It’s always hiding in plain sight, in the last place you’d look – inside you.
The process of learning what made me happy gave me the tools to help others find their own happiness. I learned that all my people pleasing could never make anyone else happy. And I knew it didn’t make me happy, not in any deeply heartfelt way.
Being happy is a choice that you make. It’s not anyone else’s job or responsibility to make you happy. Nothing anyone does can bring you true happiness. It’s an internal decision that’s never based on externalities. You can decide to be happy, no matter what. And so can everyone else in your life.
What Is Life Purpose?
Your life purpose isn’t a title or role or what you do. It’s how you are in all your roles. It’s something you’ve been doing almost all your life without realizing it.
It’s something that’s such a part of who you are that it’s hard for you to see it.
My purpose is to help people live happier lives. When I thought about it, I’ve been talking with people who came to me since I was a kid, helping them work through challenges and find their own paths to happiness.
Ways that I express my purpose are:
- Writing books and articles based on what I’ve learned on my journey to happiness
- Writing responses to questions left by readers in blog comments and emails
- Accepting my kids for who they are and drawing out their unique gifts and qualities (not what I think they should be, but who they uniquely are – their purpose)
- Supporting my husband in his art and other interests and helping him to see when he’s getting in his own way of expressing himself
- Talking with coworkers, friends, family, clients, and others about what could help them be happier, asking probing questions to get them to think more deeply from their hearts.
After working with a friend, she discovered that her purpose is to be ‘glue,’ as she defined it. She’s a very social person who loves to connect with others. She’s the ‘glue’ that connects people and holds them together in ways that help them, and she loves it. Whether it’s networking with people professionally or visiting with friends and family, she brings people together in ways that improve their lives.
Simple Steps to Finding Your Purpose
You don’t have to spend a ton of money on ‘purpose finding’ programs. You do need to make some focused time for deep introspection. Write down your answers to these questions:
- What have you enjoyed doing most of your life that’s uniquely you?
- How would those close to you describe you?
- What aspects of your personality have helped others?
- What are you good at that you enjoy doing?
- What would you do all day if you had all the money you needed?
- What do others ask for your help with on a regular basis?
- What strengths are consistent in many of your answers so far?
- Who do you admire? What qualities do you admire in these people? What would it look like for you to express these qualities? What would that feel like?
- What experiences have made you feel the most alive?
- What types of experiences feed your energy?
- What’s your superpower?
Ask people close to you who know you well what your superpower is. What’s that thing that comes easily for you, that’s part of who you are that’s difficult for others? You think that it’s common and anyone can do it, but you’re wrong. Those close to you can help you identify this power in you.
After you’ve completed these exercises, take some time to reflect on your answers. What are the common themes? What pops out and excites you? How can you incorporate that into everything you do? In all your roles?
Take some time – days or weeks – to let all this percolate in you. Let your subconscious work on it. Don’t let your monkey mind get all freaked out about what comes up. Listen to what’s in your heart.
Give yourself permission to change your old beliefs that told you to be a certain way to appease others. How can you be more uniquely you in all aspects of your life?
When you start expressing this ‘uniquely you’ part of yourself, you’ll find yourself becoming happier.
These changes may unsettle those close to you who have come to expect you to be a certain way. Don’t go back. Spend less time with people who don’t support this ‘new you’ and more time with those who do.
Experiment a little each day with what you do, how you communicate and how you think. At the end of each day, journal about what you did and what you learned. Use what you learned in tomorrow’s experiment.
Find Your Gifts
Your purpose isn’t something to find “out there.” It’s in your heart, waiting to be discovered. It’s already a part of you that you’ve never allowed to see the light of day. Or maybe you have and you haven’t realized it yet.
I believe that everyone was put on this earth to express their gifts to the world in their own unique way. You can’t do that if you’re trying to live someone else’s dream or life or doing what you think others expect of you.
You must be uniquely you and express your gifts if you want to be happy. It may take time, but you’ll find the right people to connect with who truly appreciate what you have to offer.
