I recently turned 50 and have been reflecting on my life. None of the previous “decade” birthdays have had much of an effect on me. 50 is different.
In my 30’s and 40’s, I looked to Maya Angelou for inspiration. I felt that, once I turned 50, I would be like her: serene, content, happy with my life.
Amazingly, that’s exactly how I feel now. I never knew that I could be this consistently happy – not that giddy, once-in-a-while kind of happy. It’s a content, life-is-good kind of happy.
After so many years of depression, not feeling like I’m enough or that I can do enough, striving for something more or different, never being content with the way things are, I can honestly say that I’m finally happy.
As my mindfulness practice has deepened over the years, I’m more aware of what my heart and soul want for me instead of what society says I should want.
It has also helped me to be more in the present moment, where true happiness resides and where depression, anxiety, and feelings of ‘not enough’ can’t exist.
It has helped me to slow down and notice all that’s wonderful in my life at any given moment and express my gratitude for it all.
The Next Fifty
Thinking about what I want the next fifty years to look like, I’ve been looking to books like The Top Five Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie Ware and The Blue Zones by Dan Buettner.
I don’t want to have any regrets when my time comes, whenever that may be.
The top five regrets from Bronnie’s book are:
- I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
- I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
- I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
- I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
- I wish I had let myself be happier.
Living authentically and intentionally, doing what we love, and expressing our feelings with the people we love – these are the most common things people deny themselves of throughout their lives. I won’t ask ‘why’ because that would lead down a rabbit hole with no end.
Instead, I ask myself and you: What are you going to do about it? What are you going to do today and every day to ensure that you don’t have any of these regrets?
The daily practices of people from the Blue Zones (communities around the world where people regularly live to at least 100 years old) may provide some ideas.
The key lessons from the Blue Zones are:
- Move naturally (walk more often).
- Have a purpose, a reason to wake up in the morning.
- Create downtime for yourself each day to rest and reflect.
- 80% rule: Stop eating when you’re 80% full, and eat your heaviest meals earlier in the day.
- Eat a healthier, more plant-based diet.
- Have a glass or two of red wine around 5pm each day with friends and healthy food.
- Have a spiritual sense of belonging within your community.
- Spend focused, quality time with your family, keeping generations together.
- Be part of a like-minded community that supports a healthy lifestyle.
Can you see the correlations between the two books here?
A Different Kind of Goal Setting
As I look to a new year and ponder the idea of setting goals or intentions, I think about the lessons from these two books, and I ask: What would make me happy? What do I want the rest of my life to be like?
The little choices we make, things we think about, and things we do each day – our habits – make our lives what they are.
Here are my goals and intentions for this year and the years to come:
- Live authentically at work and at home
- Remember that I have enough and don’t need to strive for more or different
- Make choices in alignment with my values
- Notice when I’m doing something I’m supposed to do vs. what I want to do
- Do things that align with my purpose(s)
- Write
- Spend time with my kids
- Spend time with my husband
- Help others live a happier life
- Do my best at my job
- Take time to rest on a regular basis, time to simply be
- Rest
- Read
- Meditate
- Nap
- Move my body in ways that work for me
- Walking
- Yoga
- Hiking
- Eat well
- Continue to make my family healthy, home-cooked meals
- Eat primarily organic, plant-based foods that haven’t been processed
- Sit and eat mindfully
- Spend time with the people I love
- Eat most meals around the table with my family (with a glass of red wine)
- Teach my kids how to cook
- Continue to have “hang out time” every morning and evening with my husband and kids where we sit around the fire in the winter and out on the deck in the summer to simply enjoy each other’s company.
- Have fun family adventures
As much as society tries to tell us that striving constantly to achieve more is the way to happiness, after fifty years, I’ve finally figured out that’s not true. Constantly striving only leads to feelings of ‘not enough’ because one achievement only leads to needing another one to chase ad nauseum.
The more I’ve questioned common beliefs, the more I’ve found that there’s nothing of value to me behind them.
As you face the new year, consider how you want to live your life before considering what achievements or goals you want to be able to tick off your list. Without the things discussed above in your life – your foundation – the achievements will likely feel empty.
As you write down your goals, consider the following questions:
- What would your 90-year-old self advise you to spend your time doing?
- Of the goals you’ve written for yourself, how many are for you and how many are to make someone else happy or to prove something to someone else?
- How many are achievement-oriented vs. lifestyle-oriented?
- What will your life be like after you achieve them? What will be different?
- How will you feel about yourself after achieving them?
- Will they contribute to a long and happy life?
May you experiment, learn, grow, and love in ways that support your inner happiness.