Does your New Year’s resolution involve creating a new habit? Have you tried to do this in the past and failed miserably?
You’re not alone.
You’re the majority. And it sucks, doesn’t it?
You have such high hopes, thinking, “This year is my year!” And by February, you’re so disgusted with yourself that you ditch your valiant efforts to change…. until next year.
You’re not a failure. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re human.
You just haven’t learned the keys to developing a new habit – a habit that sticks.
Losing weight, getting in shape, writing consistently, getting your business off the ground – you can’t achieve those things without creating new habits.
If you go on a diet and lose weight, then go back to your old habits, you’ll inevitably put all the old weight back on. That’s why they say that diets don’t work. Old habits = old weight. New habits (every day) = new weight.
You’ve got to develop new habits that become part of your every day to support your goal.
That diet can’t be an event. It has to be a way of life.
Exercising can’t feel painful forever. You have to figure out how to make it enjoyable every day. You have to figure out how to turn it into a habit if you want to keep doing it past January 15.
Why don’t the promoters of diets, exercise plans, “live your dreams” programs and others ever tell you this? Because it’s the dull part. It’s the part that’s the same every day. It’s the daily practice.
But it’s the MOST IMPORTANT PART.
“We first make our habits, and then our habits make us.” ~John Dryden
[Below is an excerpt from The Mindful Body Program where you can learn more about how to use mindfulness to make lasting changes in your life.]
What Makes Your Habit Stick
It doesn’t matter how badly you want to change something in your life. It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve tried.
What does matter is your answer to this question: Why is this change important to you?
What’s your “why?”
If your “why” isn’t big and important enough for you, you’ll never stick with your desired change.
Write down why it’s important to you to make the changes that you’re seeking right now. Write down all your reasons.
Make absolutely sure that whatever you write down makes you feel really good or really bad. This is essential!
Your “why” can’t include negatives like not, never, should, shouldn’t, can’t, won’t. Don’t do things to please other people. This is just for you.
Your motivation has to be a “must,” not a “should.” Why MUST you make this change NOW? No excuses. No “yeah, but…”
“Must” means 100% commitment. Don’t give yourself any back doors. You’re not committed if you say anything like, “I’ll do it until…” or “I’ll keep up with it unless…”
With 100% commitment, you leave yourself no options.
“There are only two options regarding commitment; you’re either in or you’re out. There’s no such thing as life in-between.” – Pat Riley
Motivations that don’t work (source is outside of yourself):
- My doctor/partner/friend/kids/whoever told me that I should lose weight/improve my health.
- It would probably be good for me if I lost weight/improved my health.
- I know I should lose weight and start eating better.
- Others would more readily accept me if I was thinner.
Motivations that work in the short term (source may be outside yourself or internal):
- I want to fit into my little black dress for a big event.
- I want to run a certain race on a certain date.
- I want to prove to someone that I can do it.
Motivations that give lasting results (source is internal and aligns with your values and beliefs):
- Heart disease runs in my family and my mother/father died at my age. I don’t want to die.
- My child came to me, knowing how unhealthy my habits are, and said in a frightened way that she didn’t want me to die. She wants me around for a long time. I want to be there for her.
- I don’t want to be that kind of person anymore. That’s no longer who I am.
- I know that my children emulate me. I don’t want them to develop the same unhealthy habits I have had that have led to my health issues.
- I want to have enough energy to play with my kids/grandkids and create amazing experiences with them.
Why are you absolutely committed to changing now?
If you don’t have a strong enough “why,” it will be an uphill battle to stick with your new habit.
Goals and Intentions
I used to be a master of setting goals. I would write everything in the present tense, as if it had already happened. I would see it in complete detail. I set deadlines for each goal. I would read and write them every day to reinforce them. I added every trick in the book to my goal-setting practice.
And time after time I would achieve almost none of these goals.
It took me a while to realize the biggest reason for this was that this process put my goals “out there” and never in the present moment. I kept doing the same old things in the present, hoping for a different future that never came.
Then I tried something different. Instead of setting very specific goals to achieve, I asked myself why I wanted to achieve them.
How do I want to feel by achieving that goal?
I focus on feeling that feeling in the present – right now. What can I do right now to feel that way? It usually doesn’t take much to stir up this feeling.
I also think of how every aspect of my life would be when I achieved my goal. What would my average day be like? How would my moment-to-moment decisions be different than the ones I make now?
Keeping that “new me” in mind throughout my day, I act out my average new day each day.
With this practice, I’m not focused on an end goal that’s “out there.” I’m focusing on what I’m doing in the present moment. The things I do all day are my habits.
Our habits create our results and our lives.
>>>> Click here to get your free copy of “7 Keys to Getting Things Done with Purpose”!
What’s your daily intention?
Instead of setting goals for yourself, set daily intentions about how you want to feel and the kind of person you want to be every day.
Is the kind of person you want to be the same person who would practice the habits you’re thinking of? If not, something about the picture needs to change.
For example, change a goal of losing 50 pounds to an intention of being a healthy and energetic person. Make mindful choices throughout your day that a healthy and energetic person would make. After you’ve lost those 50 pounds, you’ll need to continue to make the same healthy, mindful choices every day for the rest of your life. You’ll need to adopt new habits.
As you play with new forms of physical movement (I don’t like to call it “exercise”), change your eating and create a healthier lifestyle, know that there’s no end goal to achieve. Improving your health and getting in shape are parts of your life – not goals. You don’t stop doing them when you’ve lost a certain amount of weight or can finally fit into certain clothes. If you do that, you’ll end up right where you started.
Your new habits and lifestyle are your new normal. Knowing this, make sure you choose things that you love, things you enjoy, things that are fun for you.
>>>> Click here to get your free copy of “7 Keys to Getting Things Done with Purpose”!