In my last post, I wrote about general aspects of how I have taken personal responsibility in my life.
Another aspect of taking responsibility for myself is knowing that I’m not responsible for others. When someone lashes out at me, instead of taking it personally and getting upset, I first ask myself what’s going on with that person? Are they stressed about something? Did someone else set them off earlier and I’m seeing the repercussions? Or do they just have issues that I’ll never fully understand? That last one is the one I usually go with.
If you’re in a relationship that isn’t going the way you want, stop complaining about how the other person isn’t giving you what you need. First of all, do they even know what you need? Do you really know what you need? If you know, have you told the other person? No, they shouldn’t just know. No matter how long you’ve been together. You know the old saying about ass-u-me-ing things.
If they know what you want, do they know how to give it to you in a way that registers with you? For example, if you want the other person to show you that they love you, there are many ways to do that. Flowers, intimate conversations, just physically being there, doing helpful things for the other person, etc. While I love to receive flowers and feel that they show my husband’s love for me, if I bought flowers for him, it wouldn’t go over as well. He needs intimate conversations. I’ve been frustrated spending my time doing what I thought were helpful things for him to show him that I cared (because that’s what registers for me). Because of his different view of the world, he appreciated the things I did but they didn’t register as ways of showing love.
We all look at and interpret life, people and experiences very differently based on our own personal views and a lifetime of experiences.
Ask yourself what you can do to help the other person give you what you want and need. Don’t leave it up to them. If you do, you will almost never be happy. Would you rather be right or happy?
When I truly understood what taking personal responsibility meant, my relationship with my husband and almost everything in my life changed radically for the better.
There are few things that really fluster me. I know that I can control very little in this world. I can’t control other people, the weather, my genes, the government, the economy or much else. I’m OK with that. I can control me – my thoughts, feelings and actions.
As soon as I gave up trying to control everything and everyone else and just focused on what I could do to make myself happier, life got a whole lot easier and happier.
Giving up resisting the way things are (things I can’t control) accomplishes the same wonderful thing.
This may sound kind of selfish but it’s the most giving gesture. It allows others to be who they are, which is huge.
By taking steps toward my own happiness, by default I’m making other people happier. By accepting people and situations for who and what they are and not trying to change them, we’re all free to take our own personal responsibility.
Stop judging others because they don’t live up to your expectations of them. Your expectations are just a story you made up based on your personal life experiences.
It’s amazing how the world around you changes for the better when you stop trying to change and resist it and focus on yourself and making yourself happy.
And don’t we all just want to be happy?
