Our society seems to thrive on the victim mentality that says that most issues in our lives have been created by other people and things. The judicial system is built on this principle. The media relies on it to sell news.
What I’m writing here may be controversial and there are so many shades of grey that I couldn’t possibly cover them all. I’m simply writing from my own life experiences.
I used to think I was a very responsible person. In terms of taking care of life’s daily responsibilities like getting to work on time and paying the bills, I am.
In terms of taking personal responsibility for my life, not so much. I blamed my husband for many issues in my life. I blamed my parents, my finances, my job, you name it. If I wasn’t happy, it was someone else’s fault and that kept me in a very unhappy place. If my happiness was up to others, I learned that I would never be happy. And I really wanted to be happy.
So I started looking at myself. How was I contributing to my happiness or unhappiness? How was I repeating patterns and unconscious reactions over and over, expecting a different response each time (isn’t that the definition of insanity?)?
How did my words and actions affect others? How much did my environment really affect me? Or was it just my interpretation of my environment?
It is my conclusion that we are all responsible for everything in our lives. There is no one to blame for anything. For most people, it’s a pretty hard pill to swallow. To accept radical responsibility for our lives.
If you don’t like how you look and feel, it’s not the fault of your genes, kids, spouse, job, house, friends, the economy, the government or anything or anyone else. If you don’t like something, it’s up to you and only you to change it.
No one is going to change anything for you so stop sitting around and waiting for it. Stop getting mad that others aren’t stumbling over themselves to help or fix you. Many times others are trying to help you and you won’t let them because you enjoy the drama and attention of a “troubled” life.
Your life is the way it is because of the choices you make every day, every hour, every minute, every second. Choices like:
- What, how much and when you eat and drink all day
- Who you talk to and what you say
- What time you get up in the morning and go to bed at night
- Whether you exercise or sleep longer
- What your mood is (yes, you control this)
- Reacting to people and situations with knee-jerk reactions or thoughtful responses
- Whether you watch TV or work on a hobby, passion or business or connect with your kids or friends
- Whether you read more of this post and open your mind to something new or stop reading and stay where you are.
If you want to lose weight, you can’t go on a 2 week diet and expect anything to change. To lose weight and keep it off, you have to change many aspects of your life. This is one of the big reasons that diets don’t work. You can’t expect to restrict your eating for a few weeks (if you could make it that long) then go back to your old ways and expect your body not to go back to its old ways.
You have to make new choices all day every day. And you have to start enjoying the new choices.
If you want more money, you can’t complain that you’re not paid enough at your job or that the government takes too much in taxes or that the economy sucks and prevents you from making more. There are tons of people making a killing in this economy because they’re making different choices. They know it’s up to them to create a different financial picture and they’re out there taking action toward their goals.
If you want a better relationship, you can’t berate your partner for what they aren’t giving you or for the crap they are giving you. Many times you get what you ask for. Look at how your behavior causes the other person to act the way they do. Do they act the same way around other people? Make a new choice to open a meaningful dialogue and really listen to the other person without thinking about how you will respond. If you don’t truly listen, you’ll create the same old conversations or arguments.
Let me know how you have taken radical responsibility in your life and what the results have been. If you don’t quite understand how you could do that in your life, ask. I would love to help you.