Why is it that we so often have to reach the lowest of lows, experience the depths of our own despair before we finally acknowledge that, in order for our lives to change, we have to change?
We hold out for months or years thinking, hoping that other people and different circumstances will magically work in our favor and hand us the lives we’re looking for on a silver platter.
Before anything can change, before our lives can turn around, we have to do the work within ourselves and change ourselves from the inside out. It’s the only way.
Our ego fights the process, kicking and screaming the whole way. Our ego tries to convince us that we’re just fine the way we are and there’s no need to travel the tough, bumpy road of unknowns on the path of change. I think this is why we put it off for so long. Our ego can be so seductive.
But we finally get to a point where we know that we can’t keep doing things the same way we have. We’ve got to break out and finally say yes to change.
My friend, Alex Blackwell, chief blogger at The BridgeMaker, has been through this heart-wrenching experience and has written about it and the lessons he learned in hopes of inspiring others to make their changes sooner than later.
Alex almost experienced the end of a beautiful marriage before he realized that something had to happen in his life to break the patterns of his past and create an amazing future.
I had the good fortune to interview Alex and ask him some questions about his book and his experiences. I hope you enjoy the interview!
You’ve revealed so much about your personal life in this book, Alex. Was it hard for you to open up and share so much of yourself? How did you feel during this process?
It was painful at times, but I think the best way I could show how desperately my life needed to change was to be transparent, and vulnerable, in the process.
I think opening up helps others see that they are not alone with their feelings or circumstances. By sharing certain aspects of my life, I hope I can encourage someone to evaluate their life in the same way I evaluated my life, and then begin their own change journey.
So many of us have had issues with control. We feel that the more we can control in our lives, the safer we’ll feel. It sounds like control was one of the big issues you dealt with and learned to release. Did this release happen a little bit at a time or did it feel like it happened all at once? Do you feel more or less secure after releasing some of that control?
Paige, to be honest, initially I felt so out of control by releasing control. But as I learned how to surrender my life, I saw something amazing begin to happen – I felt freer.
Perhaps one of the most important lessons I’ve learned in the past eight years is it’s a sign of strength, not weakness, to surrender our problems. When we offer up our pain and turn it over to a higher being, then we are in a better position to allow peace, forgiveness and love into our life because we have moved the garbage out of the way.
The power of love is a major theme throughout your book. How did you suppress the flow of love for so long? What opened the door and allowed the love to flow?
I suppressed the flow of love by closing my heart. Because of the pain I suffered as a child, I shut down my heart to avoid more pain. While my heart functioned on one level (I got married and loved my children), I seldom had trust that the love would last.
The thing that opened the door was the realization that if my life was going to change, I would have to be the person to change it. Likewise, I learned if I wanted to connect and build long-lasting relationships with my family, then I had to be the one to connect.
The thought of losing my family motivated me to change and to connect.
Many people see self-love as a form of arrogance or narcissism. How important has learning to love yourself been in your transformation?
It’s been everything Paige.
How can have love for others, if we don’t have the capacity to love ourselves? So, you’re right, it’s not about arrogance; it’s about having the awareness that love starts from the inside, out.
You’ve come a long way baby! From a very troubled childhood to what seems like a very happy life filled with love. Do you find yourself ever slipping back into your old, negative thought patterns?
I do, every day. For me, the best approach is to use “ing” words, not “ed” words. For example, “I’m learning to be a confident, secure, self-loving man” is different than saying “I have learned how to be a confident, secure, self-loving man.” Because on the days when I’m not feeling confident, instead of feeling like I’ve failed, I just ask myself what a confident man would do, and then I try to do more of that.
If you could sum up the message of Saying Yes To Change in one sentence, what would that be?
Creating positive change begins with discovering one powerful truth: You cannot change or heal what you do not acknowledge.
So true, Alex! Thank you so much for taking the time to answer my questions!
To find out how you can purchase a copy of Alex’s new book (Kindle, Nook or paperback), check out this link: Saying Yes to Change: 10 Timeless Life Lessons for Creating Positive Change
To learn more about Alex and the 10 life lessons he writes about, head over to The BridgeMaker.