As we grow up, we’re programmed to believe that we’re supposed to have our whole life figured out by the time we’re 21 years old.
Here’s the plan:
- Graduate from high school with good grades so you can
- Get into college and graduate so you can
- Get a “good job” where you earn a decent paycheck so you can
- Attract the perfect mate and get married so you can
- Have 2.3 kids, a dog, a big house with a big mortgage so you can
- Live happily ever after.
Has anyone actually done that?
You’re fed this story as you grow up and wonder what’s wrong with you when life doesn’t turn out that way. You think you’re letting yourself and others down when everything doesn’t play out perfectly.
Get over it. Life doesn’t work like that. Life is messy and hard and fun and interesting. It’s a ride to enjoy, not a mission to accomplish.
If you’re feeling the pressure of your family or friends, who are asking what your plans are for the rest of your life, ask them if they had it all figured out at 21, 30 or even 40. If they say “yes,” they’re either lying, or they settled and decided to do what their parents wanted them to do without asking themselves if it was right for them.
- Struggle to make it through high school so you can
- Hopefully get into college and maybe graduate so you can
- Get a low-paying job (if you’re lucky) that you hate that has nothing to do with your major so you can
- Struggle to pay the rent and those giant student loans while you
- Wonder what’s wrong with you and why you don’t have your life all figured out which results in
- Being depressed and anxious which prevents you from
- Finding a mate which causes you to
- Experience deeper depression and anxiety and generally feel like a loser.
I’d like to propose a different approach to life – one that you can actually feel good about.
The first scenario is a huge set of expectations that society thrusts upon you without your buy-in. You take it on because you think it’s what everyone is supposed to do. The myths in the media, school, religion and just about everywhere else pump you full of these ideas.
And when you can’t live up to these expectations (or you don’t want to), you feel bad about it, like there’s something wrong with you. If this is you, you are the majority. Only about 1% of the population actually accomplishes the first plan and most of those aren’t happy.
When I graduated from college over 30 years ago, I thought I had things all figured out. I actually got as far as step 4 in the first plan before I woke up one day and thought, “Is this really what I want to be doing for the rest of my life?” The clear answer was “No!” but I had no idea what I did want. Read my About page for more of that story. You can read much more of my story in my chapter of the book, Winding Road to Freedom: 15 Entrepreneurs Share Their Journey to Financial Freedom. Click the button below to download the chapter:
Life Is An Experiment
Look at your entire life as an opportunity to experiment. Don’t stop experimenting at any age because you think it’s too late or you’re too old to change. It’s never too late.
With each new experience, learn something about yourself. Notice what you’re drawn to and what you don’t like. With your next experiment, do more of what you’re drawn to. There’s no such thing as “failure” if you’re experimenting. You’re always learning.
If you’re not sure what to do next, just do something – anything. Action brings learning and more actions. It doesn’t matter which direction you choose.
When I left my first corporate job many years ago, I followed my intuition that simply said, “Go west and do something with horses.” I had no idea what that meant, but I started by doing something – anything – that fit that description. I tried lots of things. Some worked. Some didn’t. I learned an immense amount about myself in the process.
Whatever you choose to do, make sure it’s something that feels right for you and pushes you a little out of your comfort zone. Don’t worry about making other people happy. It’s your job to live your own life and make yourself happy. Don’t let anyone guilt you into something different.
You don’t have to have anything figured out. There’s no race or finish line. We’re on this earth for a very limited time. Experiment to discover your unique gifts and find ways of sharing them with the world. That’s your only job.
Expectations Are the Root of All Unhappiness
Drop any expectations that you may have or that you think others have of you. Unmet expectations create most negative emotions.
While you’ve been programmed to think that you have to use that college degree, that’s not necessarily the case. What makes your heart sing? How would you love to spend your days? The way the world works now, you can probably find a way to make money doing those things.
A quick Google search can reveal others who are already doing what you dream of. Reach out and connect with those people. They’re waiting for you to ask them how they did it. They want to help you, especially when you can find unique ways to help them.
Being “successful” doesn’t mean having lots of money, a “good job,” a big house or anything like that. Those are all stories that our culture perpetuates yet have been proven to be false. Success means, first and foremost, loving and accepting yourself just as you as right now. Success means loving what you do and using the gifts that you were born with to help others.
Simple Steps to Create Your Own Amazing Life
If you’re struggling to figure out what to do with the rest of your life, my initial suggestion is to stop focusing on yourself and all that’s wrong. Find people who you can help.
What are you good at that you take for granted? What are things that others compliment you on that you think are “no big deal.” Those are your gifts. Find ways to share them.
Using myself as an example, some of my skills are in finances and being analytical yet I love being around creative types (who are usually not the best at finances and analytical thinking). I found an organization that matched people like me with artists who needed help managing their finances. I loved the challenge and loved using my gifts to help people. The artists loved and appreciated not only my helping them with their businesses but also that I understood them as people. I understood and respected how they think.
My next suggestion would be to find the happiness that’s buried inside you. Let it out. Don’t tell yourself that you can’t be happy until the stars align and everything falls perfectly into place. Even if that happened, the happiness would be fleeting.
Being happy is a decision. It doesn’t matter what your situation is. In every moment, you’re choosing how you feel. Practice mindfulness by taking a deep breath and noticing how you feel in the moment. Do you want to feel that way? If not, make a new choice.
Feeling like you’ve let others down is a story you tell yourself. I’m guessing that it’s probably not working very well for you. How about making up a new story that creates more positive feelings in your heart?
If others are telling you that you’ve let them down, ask yourself if you happily agreed to live up to their expectations. Trying to live up to others’ expectations is impossible. It’s the sure-fire path to unhappiness.
You can’t make other people happy. That’s their job. Your job is to make you happy and that comes from inside. If you say, “I’ll be happy when….” then you’ll never be happy. Smile a big smile right now and hold it for at least 30 seconds, even if (especially if) you don’t feel like it. Do that a few times a day.
Find things to be grateful for throughout your day and write them down. Carry a journal or write them in your phone somewhere. Things you can be grateful for now:
- You have people in your life who love you;
- You’re free to change jobs;
- You’re alive and healthy;
- You’re free to start over and make new choices whenever you want;
- You have eyes with which you can see the sky, clouds, flowers and the people around you;
- You have food, clean water and clothes.
Whenever I look at a flower or anything beautiful, I say “thank you” for the opportunity to experience that little bit of beauty.
If you’re grateful for something about another person, by all means, let them know. Do not assume that they already know. You’ll make their day.
While you’re at the job you hate, or (lucky you) while you’re not working and have plenty of time on your hands, experiment a little every day. Journal your innermost thoughts. Ask yourself lots of good questions like those in this article: What Should I Do With My Life? Take classes that interest you, not ones you think will lead to a job.
I recently listened to a podcast by James Altucher who wrote Choose Yourself (which I reviewed HERE and recommend that you read if you’re depressed or anxious) about why college usually isn’t a good idea these days. You can listen to it HERE. While debunking many of the popular myths about college, he also offers a free copy of his guide: 50 Alternatives to College. You can get your free copy HERE.
This is a great tool for anyone at any age wondering what to do with their life. Whether you’re 18 or 58, it applies equally to everyone. The guide offers ideas for experiments that will get you thinking differently and taking action.
I also highly recommend a post by Michael Ellsberg called 8 Steps to Getting What You Want Without Formal Credentials. Michael interviewed a slew of famous and successful people, none of whom went to college. He wrote a book called The Education of Millionaires to summarize his findings.
This post highlights the stories of some of the people he interviewed and gives you a monthly plan to create your own amazing career doing what you love. Read it. You’ll thank me.
Moving from where you are to a better place won’t happen overnight. It won’t happen until you decide to make changes. Take baby steps each day toward how you want your life to be (do you know what you want it to be?). Experiment. Some days will be better than others. Keep taking consistent baby steps in a direction you choose and allow your happiness to grow.
For more ideas, click the button below to download a free chapter of Winding Road to Freedom: 15 Entrepreneurs Share Their Journey to Financial Freedom. Get inspired by others who, despite the odds and their circumstances, created their own versions of success.
Visit my Recommended Resources page where I post the latest list of books, programs, and products that I’ve found to be particularly helpful in growing your mindfulness and meditation practices.