You’re exhausted.
You got up early to get to work, cranked all day, probably didn’t eat as well as you would have liked, headed home in traffic, got home to a house that needed cleaning and kids and a spouse who needed to be fed.
Your stress level is running high and you see no end in sight. You’re on the treadmill of life looking for balance but wondering if it’s even possible.
We’re fed the myth that, if we can simply find “work/life balance,” then our stress will magically vanish and all will be well. It’s like some holy grail.
Trying to achieve “work/life balance” is impossible. It’s like trying to “find happiness.” Balance and happiness are choices that we make every day as we travel our own paths. Neither are destinations where we find nirvana.
Working Life
Work is a part of life. There’s no way to separate the two. Work is something we choose to spend a good chunk of our time doing. Maybe it’s something we enjoy. Maybe we hate what we’ve chosen to do for money.
You may say, “But I have to work. I’ve got to pay the bills!” Yes, but you made the choice of what you’ll do to earn the money to pay those bills. You also made the choice to buy all the things that lead to all those bills.
Do you love all the stuff you buy enough to keep doing what you’re doing to pay for it all?
Are you balancing the time it takes to work to pay for these things with the time you’re spending enjoying the things?
Buy less = Work less.
Emergence of the True Self
Another myth of the “work/life” concept is that we split ourselves in two (or more) roles or personas in order to perform in each aspect of our lives.
We wear different clothes. We speak differently. We act differently. We try to be different people.
But we’re the same person whether our role is employee, boss, parent, spouse, child, sibling, friend, caretaker, volunteer, whatever.
In how many of these roles do we express our True Self? Any of them? Are we so busy playing the roles defined by someone else that we don’t even know who our True Self is?
It took me years to realize that I was following the life script handed to me by family and societal expectations. I knew something didn’t feel right but had no guidance to tell me where to look.
Once I realized that this wasn’t my script, it took more years of self-exploration to find out who I really was.
Once I figured that out, I was scared to express my True Self for fear that others wouldn’t accept me. So I continued playing roles, being who I thought others expected me to be.
Fast forward a few more years when I started to slowly reveal my True Self to the world. I felt like a turtle starting to peak out from its shell, more than ready to pull its head back in at the slightest sign of danger.
What I found was the opposite of what I expected. I found more acceptance the more I revealed my True Self.
We humans are just as capable as other animals in sniffing out someone who is projecting something different than who they are inside (known as being incongruent). We know when something doesn’t seem right about a person who puts on a happy face when we can tell that things aren’t happy on the inside. Or when someone is trying to trick us somehow. That’s why we feel much more comfortable around people who are comfortable with expressing their True Selves. We know they’re not hiding anything.
As you play your many roles in life, challenge yourself to bring your True Self into as many of these roles as possible.
The more you can do this, the happier you’ll be.
Aligning With Your Values Is Key To Balance
One of the biggest reasons we feel out of balance in our lives is that we’re trying to make too many other people happy so that we can feel accepted (among other reasons).
When we do this, we’re placing priority on other people’s values with little consideration of our own.
One of the best ways to feel happy and balanced is to make all of our decisions consciously in alignment with our own core values.
Do you know what your top three core values are? If you don’t, you’ll always feel pulled in too many directions, never feeling content.
Think about where you work. Do you know what the company’s values are? If so, do they align with yours? If they don’t, you’re probably not very happy working there.
As you choose where and how you work, consider how these choices align with your values.
I made the big mistake of taking a job that went against my core values because I thought I really needed the money and was scared that I wouldn’t find another opportunity any time soon. While the position paid well, it took me away from my family all week, damaging my mental and emotional health in the process. My health and family are my two highest values.
I was miserable. I left my family every Sunday night with tears rolling down my face. I hated the office schedule and wasn’t too crazy about the culture. While I felt that the money wasn’t worth the sacrifices, I stuck with it for fear of not having enough money. Fortunately, I was let go after only a few months when the company went through a restructuring and my position was eliminated. It was a big shock but I knew it was the best thing for me.
My next job paid much less but was closer to home. Our family learned to live on less so I could be with my family every day. We let go of many of the things we thought we needed that we were spending so much money on. We realized that we were using many of these things to maintain an image or persona that was no longer serving us.
If you’re compromising your values for money, think about the importance of the things you need that money for. What can you release from your life?
Finding Balance
Know that there’s no differentiation between “work” and “life.” It’s all your life.
“If you’re interested in ‘balancing’ work and pleasure, stop trying to balance them. Instead, make your work more pleasurable.” ~ Donald Trump
Be courageous enough to bring your True Self into all the roles you play. Find the consistencies in your roles to help you identify parts of your True Self.
Identify your core values and make every choice in accordance with those values. Don’t make decisions from a place of fear. Have faith that the right thing is waiting for you.
Forget trying to conform to societal expectations. It’s your life, not theirs.
There is no perfect life. Just your own good life. Live it.
What have you done to create balance and happiness in your life?