Each of us has spent our lifetime creating the person that we are, consciously or, more likely, totally unconsciously. From the social training and feedback that we receive from our families, schools, businesses, places of worship and communities, we generally create our own rules and become what we think we’re supposed to be.
I see that person as our overall persona. We all have a variety of specific personas: husband/wife, mother/father, boss, worker, friend, etc. within that overall persona. But how much of that did you really think about and plan?
Is your current persona serving you? Does it create peace in your life? Does it help you to get closer to your goals and dreams? Does it enhance your relationships?
Or do you spend large amounts of time and energy defending what isn’t really working for you?
Until a couple years ago when I feel like I finally woke up to the whole charade, I was vigorously defending a set of personas that were consistently keeping me from being happy in many areas of my life. Not only did I defend my dysfunctional personas (my ego), I also made other people wrong for questioning them or “attacking” them.
Rather than considering how I had created my personas and whether they were serving me, I spent a lot of time being angry at others. At the time I thought, “Hey, that’s just who I am. Deal with it.” Little did I realize how much this contributed to my unhappiness.
After reading Conscious Living by Gay Hendricks, I finally started to wake up to how little responsibility I had been taking for my own life. How much I did what I thought I was supposed to do instead of creating my own life.
At that point, I took my life into my own hands. And it was hard. It was very hard to not fall back into the old personas. I knew how I wanted my life to look but I wasn’t sure how to get there.
I wanted a great relationship so I talked to people I knew who seemed to have great relationships. I looked to others to teach, mentor and support me.
I had to be vulnerable to accomplish this. I had to be OK with slipping backward or falling on my face sometimes.
I had to thank those close to me when they pointed out that I was slipping into my old personas. My old persona would have gotten mad and defensive but I knew that wouldn’t serve me and I knew I needed the kick in the pants to live a better life.
It took a quantum shift inside me and the courage to walk into new territory to make it happen. But it has been worth every bit of it.
I’m happier. My relationships are better. Everything flows more easily. I’m much more accepting of myself, others and the world around me. That doesn’t mean I don’t have things I want to change. I just don’t waste a lot of energy resisting what is and what I can’t control. I focus on what I can do to make my life and as many other lives as I can impact better.
Speaking publicly in this blog about my very personal experiences has taken great courage. I grew up thinking that it wasn’t safe to express my true thoughts and feelings.
I do it in hopes that I can touch others, maybe you, and help you to live a happier life. To show that there’s another way. That the way things are and have been doesn’t have to be the way of the future.
Things can change but you have to change yourself from the inside first. When you take the personal responsibility to make that really happen, everything and everyone around will change seemingly overnight. I have experienced it many times.
I would love to hear about changes you’ve made and your experiences with those changes. By leaving a comment below, you may touch someone’s soul and open them to a world of new possibilities.
Namaste*
(* The greatness in me bows to the greatness in you.)